I’m talking kids with my boyfriend and I have some fertility conditions that might prevent me from conceiving naturally. I’ve personally always been open to any way there is to become a parent, be it natural, adoption or fostering. I used to date someone who was adopted internationally and I’m well versed in all the difficulties of that scenario, especially for the adoptee, and I wouldn’t want to go down that road (it’s actually currently not possible to adopt internationally from Belgium, my country, this is temporary but there are talks to make it permanent). I understand many arguments against adopting, fostering or even IVF and IUI: people don’t want to go through the effort, hurt, logistics, all fair. But my boyfriend (both 35) says he wouldn’t adopt because he doesn’t think he could feel connected to a child that doesn’t have his genetic material. That’s weird to me because men don’t even carry the pregnancy, you’re handed a kid who, when they are born, don’t look anything like you (many times), it could be yours or your neighbours you might not be able to tell. Many fathers can’t tell, the number of men who raise kids who they think are genetically theirs but aren’t, isn’t negligible. Even when you’re sure the kid is genetically yours, they could end up being entirely like your partner and nothing like you. So, is it just the “drive to spread the seed”? Not sure because my partner was not super set on having children until a few years ago. Of course I know you can’t answer for him, I’ll talk it through more with him, also honestly I don’t need him to change his mind it’s just intellectual interest. Which extends to you all, men of Reddit, because I’ve heard this position more often held by men than by women. submitted by /u/QuantumPlankAbbestia
Originally posted by u/QuantumPlankAbbestia on r/AskMen