I (M21), have sworn off dating and close relationships forever. I had a bad experience with a girl I was friends with and developed feelings for, a bad experience with the dude who until recently was my closest friend and another bad experience with a close female friend (or at least she used to be). I could go in depth into what happened in each relationship but I’d rather not as it would make this too long but long story short, let’s just say I wasn’t as important to them as I thought I was I guess. I’m imperfect and must’ve made some mistakes but overall I think I did my best and deserved better. But it is what it is I guess In the aftermath of all these failed relationships which were the only close relationships I have btw apart from family, I decided to swear off close friendships and romance. Not because I hold a grudge or don’t desire these things but because I think they’re battles that would be wiser for me to avoid. It seems not everything is meant for everyone and that is okay. I am currently focusing my energy on career, family, responsibilities, self care, self development and hobbies. The sadness from the failed relationships have faded slightly. It’s still there but I’m not depressed anymore or at least I don’t think I am. So because I feel relatively okay now, I often feel the urge to try reaching out for friends and romance again. But I remember the risks all too well and it’s not a path I’m willing to thread anymore. Whenever the itch to get close to someone begins I just remember that and I collect myself. I know it is an avoidant strategy. And I know that I might very well be holding myself back from some very fulfilling relationships because it isn’t possible that with the vast number of people around it’s impossible to find some very satisfying relationships. I’m aware of what I’m doing. But I don’t mind. It’s too difficult, and I’m someone who has pretty much been alone my whole life (even in my household, didn’t help that it was particularly abusive either) so solitude and relative isolation don’t bother me too much. My social skills have really improved lately and are still improving and I can hold a proper conversation so it serves me well in light social and workplace interactions so career wise I won’t suffer. I have just enough to be a pleasant acquaintance and I’m reliable, productive and relatively smart so I’ll do pretty well career wise and reputation wise if I just apply myself and I think that much is enough. No imperfect man can win all his battles. This works very well for friendships. I don’t find it hard to avoid them. Romance is where it gets really tough. To add some extra power to the avoidance I come to Reddit. I read posts about rejection, specifically from women talking about how men can’t take no for an answer. I read stuff about how they want men to stay away, I read men who have had bad rejection experiences, men who have quit dating entirely and I internalize these stories and use them to deter myself from approaching everyone because afterall women seem to want to be left alone and relationships these days seem pretty unsatisfactory for both parties so the juice probably just ain’t worth the squeeze. I even go as far as trying to convince myself that I’m not attractive, something that generates cognitive dissonance because I know it’s not true. I’m no model and I’m not the most interesting dude but I’m a pretty okay dude so I take it a step further and say that even if I look good enough, my AuDHD makes me goofy and outlandish so that I creep most people out anyway and lose all attractiveness in their eyes. That AuDHD bit quiets the dissonance because I don’t have any contrary evidence to it. It works for a while before the itch resumes again and hence the vicious cycle begins anew I know this might not be necessarily healthy but apart from being alone forever I don’t know what other adverse effects might be there. I don’t think the consequences of this would be much but I want to get y’all’s perspective on it. Do you think I might be underestimating the consequences of this method a little too much? submitted by /u/Dizzy-Ad-4857
Originally posted by u/Dizzy-Ad-4857 on r/AskMen