Husband (M40) and I (F33) had a long talk last week regarding his grievances and what I could do better as a wife. He says he doesn’t feel desired, that he always has to initiate, I’m only horny two weeks out of the month (ovulation & PMS), etc. I explained that I do desire him, I enjoy our sex life (literally, he’s the only man who could give me an O, he knows this), but my libido is directly connected to my mood/stress/hormone levels, so yes; sometimes I’m not really into having sex but I do it anyway because 1. I do care about his needs. 2. I end up enjoying myself, it’s not like it’s a drag to have sex with him, and I’m usually happy that we did it. So, no, sex isn’t usually a big “need” for me like it is for him, but I don’t need to be climbing the walls horny to make it happen for him/us. He was very disappointed about that. I tried to explain it this way; “I might not be hungry, but if someone offered me a donut I’ll still take it. Why not? What harm would it do? It’ll still taste good even if I’m not hungry.” That made it worse. I told him I’m not sure what he wants to hear. If he wants a woman who is horny on a constant basis, that’s just not realistic. But he isn’t being denied or neglected. I’m still happy to facilitate his needs (and no, I don’t just ‘starfish’ or act bored during). I told him I’m happy to initiate more, even if I’m not horny myself, clearly he needs to feel pursued, so I can do that too. I’ll add it to the list of things to do better moving forward. But no, he wants me to WANT it myself, not just give him a “pity fuck.” Idk what to do anymore. I guess I’m going to brush up on my acting skills. submitted by /u/LordOfAllBones
Originally posted by u/LordOfAllBones on r/AskMen