Original Reddit post

I’m 33, hardly super old, but I feel like an old man sometimes. I lived a real peter pan lifestyle through my 20s and some of my 30s. Partying every weekend, setting up dates with girls from apps during the week, often multiple times per week at my ‘worst’. Had big issues with commitment and I’m guessing still do, but I enjoyed myself and never thought much about the consequences of doing that for so long. I was abusing benzos ranging from 40-100mg diazepam daily during this time (7 years total) and my drinking became a real issue a few years back causing me lose interest in my sport, pack on a ton of weight and become miserably depressed all within a year or two. The girl I was seeing exclusively watched me drink myself from 75kg to 120kg. I decided to get sober from the benzos and booze in early 2025 and tapered off under the supervision of my GP over the course of 3 months. That sucked balls worse than anything else in my life so far, and I still have some residual anxiety from how much it rattled me. I’ll never touch another benzo. I can drink still, although I usually take 5-6 pints on a night out with my buddies once a fortnight and call it at that. My life is pretty boring now, just working and trying my best to earn a good living and hopefully some promotions as I improve myself. I picked up BJJ again last year, I thought it’d be a shame for me not to eventually earn my black belt after 10 years invested in the sport already. I’ve lost 30kg and am back competing again. Just last week I decided to try my luck on the dating apps with new photos after having absolutely no luck 20kg ago. Now I find myself with plenty of matches, and a few girls starting conversations with me who I find attractive, but I just can’t bring myself to want to take them out on a date. I can’t really even put my finger on why I don’t want to, god knows I don’t have anything better to do of a Friday evening. Is it nerves? I’ve had experience with women but it’s been over a year now since I last got laid so maybe that’s it. I dunno man, I don’t want to sound like I’m bitching about what on the face of it isn’t such a bad hand to be dealt, but I miss the excitement of possibility that I felt when I was younger and anything could happen. Are any of you dudes able to relate to any of this? And if so what advice do you have for me? Is it as simple as turn my brain off, arrange a date, and see how that feels? Tldr - mid 30s guy, former life enjoyer, ex benzo/alcohol abuser caum boring ass guy not feeling the excitement in life despite a pretty decent situation. Wants to want to get involved with women again but can’t find the motivation and is seeking advice to do the same submitted by /u/PossibilityNew4767

Originally posted by u/PossibilityNew4767 on r/AskMen