i live in a house which is filled with negativity. i have been shunned my whole life. i had no support growing up. my family doesnt know what supporting a family member is. i have been feeling low and high like bipolar disorder from 9th grade. i never went to a doctor. my family never took me to a doctor. as theres no such thing as mental illness. i started having severe acne during my 11th and 12th, i cried for help as they were painful and disgusting. my mom told me its puberty and theres no need to see doctor. one day it got so worse that i myself went to government doctor, but i had no money to buy medications. i spent 2 yrs of my life when students are more conscious of their looks, looking so hideous. i had pimple on my nose tips and cheeks. i looked disgusting. still, i studied my ass off to get out of my house. exam went well and i got admitted in MBBS. a doctor. but there was another obstacle during my college years. i couldnt make friends, i trusted nobody, i didnt make any connections. i didnt join any friend circle. i am a fucking extrovert guy from inside, but i never had courage to talk. the one friend group that i got involved in, they treated me like a clown. i acted like a clown. they rewarded my bad behaviour with praise and good work was shunned. when i bunked classes they made me think i was cool. they left me out of important things, they went on trips alone. in the last few years i got 2 good friends. the kind of real friends that i never had. but the problem was i was too insensitive. i grew in such house where i have never seen kindness, empathy and emotional support. my friends started getting upset that i am not emotional, i dont support anyone, i only see my own profit. coming that from my friends devastated me. i tried improving but how much can i change in so little time. still i tried. i became a better person. fast forward to present, i finished my graduation and have come home. i wasted my MBBS by not studying properly. and i have my postgraduation enterance exam coming up. i am at home, and the environement i tried to runaway from is haunting me again. i have exams coming up and i cant study. only way is to become insensitive again and start studying without caring. but the problem now is i dont want to be insensitive again, my friends and i have worked so hard so that i can deal with my emotions. i am in dilemma. i dont know whats right and wrong. (pardon my english, thats the best i can do) submitted by /u/Double-Coast-3704
Originally posted by u/Double-Coast-3704 on r/AskMen
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