Me (33M) and my girlfriend (30F) have been together for about 3.5 years, with around 2.5 years being long distance. She had a few relationships before me, including one during school (around 2012–13). That ended when she moved cities, and according to her, nothing has happened since then. Recently, she visited that same city where this ex lives. Two other girls from their old friend group also live there (both are now married), and she reached out to all three of them. What’s bothering me is this: The way this guy texts her feels a 10% flirty or casual in a way I’m not comfortable with. She says that’s just how their friend group has always interacted, and that he talks like that with the other girls of the group too. They’re planning to meet, which I was okay with initially. But she mentioned there’s a possibility (nothing confirmed) that: • they might go out drinking together, or • he might invite them over and she along with her two female friends might stay at his place PS - SHE SAID SHE WILL AVOID THAT SITUATION OF STAYING THERE. She will PREFER HER PLACE AND MIGHT STAY WITH ONE OF THE GIRLS. AND SHE DOES NOT DRINK ANYNORE AND ALL HER FRIENDS KNOW THIS. SHE JUST GAVE ME THE HINT THAT IT MIGHT HAPPEN BUT SHE WILL SAY NO MOST PROBABLY. BUT SHE SAID SHE IS DOING THAT BECAUSHE RESPECTS MY FEELINGS. OTHERWISE, for her hanging out with friends is cool. Also, the relationships was in teen age and not serious. This is where I’m starting to feel uneasy. To be fair to her: • She acknowledges my feelings and says she would feel the same if roles were reversed • She keeps saying “don’t trust him, trust me” • She believes nothing will happen and the worst case would be him expressing feelings, which she would clearly shut down • She doesn’t want to ruin a childhood friendship over something that hasn’t actually happened I do trust her, and I don’t think she would cheat. But the combination of: • her being in the same city as her ex • his flirty tone • and the possibility of staying over at his place (even with friends) is making me uncomfortable, especially from a boundaries perspective. At the same time, I don’t want to come across as controlling or insecure, and I don’t want to restrict her friendships unfairly. I’m trying to understand what a reasonable boundary looks like here and how to communicate it without damaging trust. Would really appreciate some outside perspective on how to handle this situation in a mature way. submitted by /u/OrganicBlood5298
Originally posted by u/OrganicBlood5298 on r/AskMen