Original Reddit post

I’m not sure this is the right place to be. If it’s not, I’m really sorry. I needed a guys’ perspective who is not involved in this. I’m (24f) living with my boyfriend (27m) who is abusive, and I’m not sure what to do to get away from him. I’ll call him Jack. He was fine when we first met, in fact he was great, charming, easy going, and we had so much in common. He’d do sweet things like get all the snow off my car in the morning or leave me little notes for me to find. We were good together and talked for hours some nights. Then he changed right before we moved in together. We were going out for over 4 months when he seemed to be frustrated with work or just other people in general. I felt sorry for him a lot And tried to do little things to get him to feel better By 5 months Jack wanted to move in together. We did and for a time, he was happy. It’s been like 9 months and he’s not happy a lot and neither am I. After I moved in, everything started bugging him, so I tried to make everything perfect for him, but if he is in a bad mood, then there is nothing that is going to change his mind. He bullies me, he grabs my hair out my arm and it hurts. He tells me what to wear and how much make-up I can have on. He has to know where I am all the time. If he doesn’t like dinner, or the place isn’t clean enough, he gets angry. Sex is difficult because of his anger issues. It seems like we have no relationship left. Everything is difficult with him, especially because half the time I dislike him so much at this point. For a couple of months, when he’s mad, he hits me. It’s no longer open hand. He punches me, I end up on the floor. Then he’s angry that I’m not more scared. I am, he just doesn’t see it, and I’m not sure why. I’ve tried to save money to leave, but he found out and took it all. A month ago, my mom sent $100 for my birthday and he took that too, but we went out and bought clothes. I just would have liked to spend it on something I wanted, but I’m not ungrateful, he put in another $100. We bought a few items and a dress that I was surprised he liked cause it was kinda short. So that night, we went out for my birthday to this bar, and I wore it. At one point, I guess a couple of guys were looking at me and Jack got really angry. First, he started something with them, then the bouncer threw him out. In the parking lot, he was still overexcited and yelled at me then put me up against the wall with his arm up pressing on my throat. 2 guys came up and he stopped. They asked if I needed help, and I said no. Now I think about what would’ve happened if I said yes. All I could think of is that he’d be more mad if I didn’t get rid of them. But, I could be out of this situation right now if I only would have spoken up. From the time we got into the car he complained because the dress was too revealing. He beat me once we got home and I thought he broke my jaw. Then he got really nice and got me some ice. By the next day, I could open and close my mouth, so he didn’t actually break it, but it was my birthday present. I know he’s scared I’ll leave, and I’m sorry for that, but I have to for me. My life is unrecognizable. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a monster, but it’s hard for me to live that way. If he would get help, like counseling or something, it would be better because he’s usually likeable. I mean everybody loves him. They still do because they don’t see what I see. My friends have had suggestions that I’ve done like 1. Move out 2. Go and stay with one of them 3. Go to the police. He’s said he would come after me if I left, and he has. Everything else I’ve already thought through or tried. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m scared or because I’m being sensible to not try again. A male friend offered to get me out and he’s ready to hurt him to do that, but I’m not gonna let that happen. He’s too nice of a guy to get into trouble like that. Plus Jack is pretty strong, and I don’t want my friend hurt. We live in a small town in IL. I used to go to the police, but they really don’t take it seriously. They tell me they’ll do something and they don’t. They think we’ll make up because they see us together after we’ve fought. When he’s sweet, I really do like him. I know I’m making myself out to be this hater, but I’m not. I just think the bad times are too bad and too often. Nearly 3 months ago, I went to a small shelter for battered women. I had to give up my job for that. I don’t know how, but he found out where I was after 6 days and caught me after work. I’ve been home since then and he was nice for a while. I have 2 friends left, that’s it. I already never get to see them. But we talk on the phone. One of them is the one who put me on her plan and gave me this phone. We’ve been friends since the 5th grade. I tried to go to her house that one time when he came and got me. I’m 24 and my life. I’m on edge all of the time because I’m not sure when he’s going to be angry. I was just hoping that men could tell me how he thinks and what I should do to be successful at getting out of here. I’m not meaning to imply that any of you are like him, just that you might have a better perspective. Thanks Tldr: I need to know a good way to leave my abusive bf. submitted by /u/Brilliant_Cheetah608

Originally posted by u/Brilliant_Cheetah608 on r/AskMen