So I’m a 37-year-old woman. I’ve been told I look a few years younger, and I’ve been told by both men and women that I’m very attractive, but for some reason men rarely approach me. I think part of it is that I’m quite gregarious and extroverted in general, but as soon as I’m actually attracted to a man, I shut down. I become really shy, avoid eye contact, and don’t engage at all. I also live in Northern Italy where things are done quite differently than back in California where I grew up. Recently, I’ve tried to push past that and “drop the handkerchief,” so to speak. I built up courage recently on two separate occasions, when there were men who seemed to be looking at me. One time, I asked a guy for the time and said my phone had died, but he just answered and awkwardly went back to his phone. The other time, a guy seemed shy at first but then did engage, showed interest, and asked for my Instagram. We exchanged a few messages, but then the conversation just dropped off. I have a feeling he may have had a girlfriend. I think what I’m struggling with is this: What is a subtle, natural way for a woman to engage with a man in public that gives him the opportunity to respond, without it feeling like she’s overtly or aggressively pursuing him? I would rather come up with an excuse to chat rather than trying to make tons of eye contact. It feels like a lot of men are quite awkward socially now and don’t really know how to take the lead or engage, but at the same time I understand that many women can be quick to shut men down, so I can see both sides. I’d really love some ideas for something I can say or do that feels natural and socially acceptable. These days, with phones doing everything for us, there are fewer obvious reasons to speak to strangers, so it’s hard to find an organic way in. I’ve thought about things like commenting on something he’s wearing, for example saying I like something and asking where it’s from, maybe framing it as a gift for a brother or something similar. Would really appreciate any ideas. submitted by /u/Salty_Challenge5563
Originally posted by u/Salty_Challenge5563 on r/AskMen