Hi all, I’m a 33-year-old guy living in the EU. Originally from asia. I moved here a few years ago, work in tech, have a family, and carry responsibility. Overall, life is stable. But I’ve noticed a pattern in myself that I’m trying to understand. Whenever I deal with people, such as contractors, mechanics, or service providers and when something feels careless, unfair, or disrespectful, I react very strongly internally. For example, recently a service provider damaged something in my car and dismissed it as “not a big deal” because the car is old. There was also a pricing issue where the final amount was higher than what was initially discussed. It became more about attitude and dismissal than the actual damage. on one hand I feel these things are not too serious, manageable. They can be escalated, fixed, reviewed, etc. But internally, I get very stressed. I think I’m also a perfectionist. I pay attention to details. When I pay for a service, I expect it to be done properly. Even small careless mistakes can make me very uncomfortable. What happens to me: I feel angry and tense I replay the conversation at night If I wake up, I can’t fall back asleep My body feels hot and stressed I feel weak the next day from lack of sleep I keep thinking what I should have said differently This has happened multiple times recently, once a contractor did a bad job in my house renovation and refused to fix his mistakes, this made me go crazy and many sleepless nights. so it’s clearly a pattern. At the moment, I can stay relatively calm. I don’t explode. But afterward it feels like my nervous system is hijacked. spcially when sleeping. What bothers me most is the feeling of unfairness or being dismissed. Sometimes I also wonder if being an immigrant plays into this — like I don’t want to be seen as someone who can be taken advantage of. My questions: Is this normal at this age with responsibility and pressure? Is this perfectionism + ego? Is it stress overload? Or is this something I need to actively work on? I don’t want to become aggressive. But I also don’t want small conflicts to affect my sleep and peace this much. Would appreciate honest perspectives. submitted by /u/Ok-Lemon-9918
Originally posted by u/Ok-Lemon-9918 on r/AskMen