My [37m] ex [32f] broke up with me three weeks ago. It wasn’t working, and I respect her for being able to take the step. I wasn’t ready for it yet. We met 8 years ago, dated 4, broke up for 2, and now we dated for 2 again. It was the first relationship for both of us. When first we broke up, we were hardly having sex anymore, and it was one of the reasons we split. For those two years apart that followed, I didn’t date, besides three failed one night stands. Her experience was very different. The first year she dated and experimented a lot, I think she was seeing a new person almost every month. During the second year we got back in contact, and I know she only dated one person for a few weeks. Around that time I made the fatal error of skimming through her phone, and I read a lot of sexual messages that I wish I never did. This is how I discovered about the experimental phase she had. I confessed it to her. She told me somethings during our time apart that had a lasting negative effect. Like that we had no sexual chemistry, that she discovered what she liked after we broke up, that it would help if I was more experienced, and more. She didn’t say any of it to hurt me of course. Fast forward until we start dating again. We discover we both still love each other a lot, and since we can’t let go, then we should just give it another shot. The catch was: she lost her libido completely. We didn’t know if it was related to me, maybe partly, or just a general issue. I accepted it, because I wanted nothing more than to be with her again. Half a year in the relationship, we have sex for the first time. It didn’t really work. We try it twice more in the following days. The third time I noticed she was getting emotional, and I immediately stopped. She said she couldn’t do it, and she didn’t know why. We continued our relationship, but never got intimate again in the 1.5 years that followed. I guess we lived like best friends that cuddled, held hands, and kissed. Now she broke up with me, and I’ve essentially been sexless the past 4 years. All my fears were confirmed and reconfirmed. We didn’t have sex 4 years ago, I was all but desirable when she was seeing others, then we got back and I still wasn’t desirable, and now we’re apart again. Still never figured out about her libido. How can I get out of this? I’m no where close to ready to date, I will have to go through the process of healing from the breakup, but I don’t want this intense feeling of inadequacy to steer my path. I’m comfortable flirting, I’ve gotten asked out by women; there’s not much there for me to worry about. Except, I am afraid of sex, and now that just got worse. submitted by /u/bagsofhope
Originally posted by u/bagsofhope on r/AskMen
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