My father was never in my life, he fucked my mother then dipped 3 months after I was born. I never interacted with my father’s family till I was an adult. I grew up with my grandma while my mother worked in a different country, she made her life with another men and had my step-brothers. I never had a masculine figure while living with my grandma, my grandpa had passed when I was 3 and they had 5 daughters, they tried but a boy never came out lmao I moved with my mom at 15 and it was difficult, she treated me good and so did her husband but I never got to bond with any of them. I moved out as quickly as I could (20), found a decent job that let’s me live on my own. Then my father died and i felt so happy for a moment, I’d always felt resentful towards him. I had 2 phone calls with him. One when I asked him why he left me but he made some excuse saying I was too young to understand why things happened the way they did. The other was when he was on his deathbed, his family called me so I could “forgive him” and for some stupid reason I did. But this high faded away and I’ve come to realize just how empty I feel after he died. It pains me to accept it but I always had some hope that somehow I could make amends with him and then I would have a father but now all that small chance is gone. I feel so jealous of my cousins and brothers, they all have their father’s and I’m the only moron that doesn’t. My youngest step-brother birthday was this past weekend, we are not that close but I still went. And it was so fucking painful to see how he hugged his dad, how my mom talked about how my youngest step-sister waits to hug him when he comes to work. I got so mad I had to leave, I know myself enough to know I would’ve started some drama with my mom and I didn’t wanted to ruin their time. So here I am, I have nobody close enough to tell any of this so I’m sharing it with even more strangers lol It hurts so much man, I can’t help but feel I missed a big part of my life, I don’t even have bad memories of that man just nothingness. Working out doesn’t help, my job and school neither, I suck at relationships and always end up ghosting people so I’ve just give up with them because I’ve hurt many people and I don’t wanna hurt more I guess I’m just looking for an advice to cope with this, something to make me forget all the memories that I should’ve had with my dad but didn’t. Something that shuts my brain off from making imaginary scenarios where I had a normal life with a father Maybe someone can relate and share any advice, I just feel lost and nothing helps submitted by /u/RecommendationNo3815
Originally posted by u/RecommendationNo3815 on r/AskMen
You must log in or # to comment.