Been dating my girlfriend for 2.5 years. She’s American, I’m Brazilian, and I genuinely love her. There’s nothing catastrophically wrong. But I have doubts I can’t shake and I need to get this out. We met in grad school, were in the same city for a year, long distance for a year, and just moved in together 2 months ago. She’s a great person and a great girlfriend. But there are some issues. The visa/politics thing… and this is a big one for me honestly. I’m on a student visa with a work authorization that expires May 2027. If I don’t get picked in the H1B lottery next year, marriage is basically my only path to staying. I hate that this exists as a factor because it clouds everything. But here’s what makes it worse: she’s conservative. Her family is too. And I’m not talking about a difference in tax policy. I’m talking about immigration. It is really hard to be an immigrant in the US right now, and the political side she’s on is a big reason why. Coming home to someone whose politics directly affect your legal right to exist here is a specific kind of pain that’s hard to describe. And her family is aware of my visa deadline. So there’s always this unspoken thing where if we got married, they’d have in the back of their heads that it was because of the deadline. Not because we love each other. That feels deeply disrespectful. It puts me in an impossible position where I can’t even consider proposing without my motives being questioned, even if my feelings are completely real. But truthfully, I don’t think either of us would be ready to get married this year if the visa thing wasn’t in question. Another piece is our life visions. Her ideal life in 5 years: house in the suburb she grew up in, dog, kids, the full American package. I respect that. But I’m 25, I’m an immigrant who loves experiencing new places, and the idea of planting roots in one suburb right now feels suffocating. I don’t even know if I want kids or when. Lastly, I crave deep conversations. A lot of times it feels like a monologue. I can tell she’s just not that interested. She also hasn’t shown much interest in learning Portuguese, which isn’t a dealbreaker, but it stings. Fellow men who’ve been in long relationships, how do you know when doubts are just noise vs. something real? And has anyone dealt with external pressure (visa, family, whatever) making it impossible to trust your own gut? submitted by /u/Nearby_Sock8316
Originally posted by u/Nearby_Sock8316 on r/AskMen