Hey all, So my gf (F25) and I (m26) just moved in together and it’s been going alright for the most part. Moving of course is stressful and we’re learning each others habits (good and bad), organizing preferences, etc etc. So everyday hasn’t been the best haha. But one thing that has happened a couple times now is communication breakdowns when discussing issues we have. We’ve had some issues in the past over things but it just seems like there’s been more occurrences recently due to the move and thus more communication breakdowns all at one time which has made me more aware from some issues when communicating. So she’d mentioned whatever I did wrong or would like me to do instead but then add something that in my eyes is more of an attack on my character. For example, she’d say like “I thought you’d be more careful or you care more about your stuff then mine”, “you’re not meeting my expectations on certain things”, or “you didn’t think this through” etc. when most were honest mistakes or I did think it out or whatever. So I’d respond defending my actions and giving examples to counter her points vs just acknowledging the actual complaint and saying sorry. Then she’d say I’m getting defensive vs in my eyes I’m just defending myself. I think if she just stuck to the complaint and I say sorry and I hear you then it wouldn’t be as big of deal. But the other side of this is for some reason, I don’t respond well to personal feedback from her. I’ll internalize it and think about it for a long time. A mood swing occurs and I’ll kinda shut down. I’ll still talk and she’ll try to keep me talking which helps lessen the mood swing but still it’s annoying. Doesn’t occur with anyone else like at work. I feel I become more sensitive to any tone shift from her as well. So like last night she mentioned something I did, I said sorry, but then she reiterated it and it sounded like gentle parenting to me with her phrasing so I got annoyed about that and shut down. Brought it up later and she apologized and said she’d watch her tone more. Which is kinda funny cause sometimes she’ll come across as more brash, like with those character attacks, so it’s like she’ll swing both ways…and they’re both condescending/annoying. Nevertheless, I want to get better at receiving criticism, not shutting down, and not getting defensive right off the bat…but I don’t know how. I guess a part of it could be her approach to whatever is wrong that’s playing a role but still, I see improvement from my end as well. I wonder if I’m immediately assuming worst case and like “this is the end of the relationship, etc.” but I’m not sure. Any advice would be appreciated! submitted by /u/Sirkrp99
Originally posted by u/Sirkrp99 on r/AskMen