I’m turning 30 this year, and for the past few years, I’ve been stuck with addiction and a few other issues that prevented me from achieving many things in life. Right now, I feel very good about myself, and my mental state allows me to resolve these problems. My dating life has been nonexistent for the past 4 years, which I don’t have an issue with since I’ve gained a substantial amount of weight…etc. I recognize my problems. I strive to solve them. I do my own research, I find solutions, I apply them, I’m successful in some implementations, not so much in others, and that’s okay, the important thing is, I try, and I keep trying. I’ve been going to this social event in my city and in it I meet many other men. Men, also in their 30s, also struggling with loneliness, have very similar problems to me, and I feel like I understand where they come from. It’s just, it feels like their defualt position is: this is they I was, this is the way I’ll always be, and this is the way I’ll die, I’m not interested in changing that. I met many men who have a low body fat percentage, who look “nice”, lean, clean, well-groomed…etc, but unfortunately, they just think they’ll never make it in the dating scene and they’ll never get out of their “loser” status, and I’m astonished at how self-defeating their mentality is. The men I meet I keep telling them that they’re actually in a very good position to date, they just need some tweaks. These tweaks are always advised here and many other subs and all over the internet: figure out a better haircut, dress better, find your style, lift, but just to correct posture and gain a minimum amount of muscle, maintain your hygiene, these tweaks, they will take them from looking average, to immediately above average and become an instant potential for dating partners and actually get out there and date. When I tell them about this and why they should do it, many of them are like, “Holy shit, what? Why I never thought about this?” and many have this gloomy overwhelming CONVICTION they’ll never compete in the dating scene. For example, I met many Indians in this event, brown guys, and I kid you not, they’re very good-looking, some of them are 6’+, but they dress in the most basic way possible, they have these weird haircuts that make them look like homeless, and overall, just n ot taking care of themselves, and when I ask them why they’re not successful with women, the answer is always the same, “I’m Indian, you know the stereotype about Indians”. And it’s astonishing. Stereotype about Indians is bad because IG and other stuff, I get that, but if someone believes in that and minimizes you into what they hear about the internet, do you really want to keep them in your life? And it’s like a light bulb that went bright in their heads. IDK, why are we like this? Why can’t we help ourselves stop being sorry and actually figure it out? The age we live is the most accessible ever to information about anything, LLMs make all the more pronounced, I really don’t get it. P.S. I’m down 20lbs since 2 months ago, and I need 30lbs more to ogo back to my “healthy” weight range. I really can’t wait! 😃 submitted by /u/Sweet_Brief6914
Originally posted by u/Sweet_Brief6914 on r/AskMen