I am currently speaking to a man who has ADHD and other diagnosed disorders (PTSD, OCD). I get along with him like a house on fire. He’s fun, smart, funny and super sweet. Although, there are time where I don’t know where I stand with him. After a recent conversation he told me to go look up relationships with people who have ADHD and decide if I’m willing to get into this. I’ve done some research, both general posts on Reddit, ADHD dedicated pages and even peer reviewed scientific studies. I want to go through it piece by piece of what I’ve found and my experience so far: Perceived criticism - we recently had a conversation which made me uncomfortable which I voiced and asked if we could stop with the conversation. We got into a “mini argument” about it because he continued with the topic after I asked him if we could move on. I tried to use the “I feel/felt uncomfortable” but he doubled down on it and called me immature and then shut down and gave me one word answers for the remainder of the conversation. Emotional flooding/dysregularion - which ties in with my previous comment about how the arguments seem to escalate but then he just shuts down completely. I try to see it from his point of view and either apologise or talk more gently on the matter but it rarely works out for me and I’m feeling uncomfortable and confused and working 100% harder to try and repair the moment. Masking and Burnout - he is heavily depressed and has stated so. He masks throughout the day by being the happy go lucky to his colleagues but then when we talk he breaks that down and shows that there is something wrong. It makes me worried and scared for him. When I try to talk about it to allow him a safe space he gives one word answers or doubles dow again and says the most disturbing things. Blurting out hurtful remarks - he’s done this a little bit. Making comments that hurt me or make me uncomfortable. I usually go quiet during this time due to my own personal trauma but if I try to explain to him he almost mocks me? I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be joking or not. I think it is… He was in a long term relationship before which ended poorly. Every now and then he will speak of her and how hurt he was/is. I don’t push too much on the matter but he’s made comments before which have stuck with me such as; when I wanted to communicate better with him he says “I’ve done the communicating and I’m tired of it. I’m done with it”. There was a more recent one where he said to me, “She took everything. I looked forward to Fridays and the weekend and now I’m just tired. Tired of everything and life”. I’m not here to be a saviour to him or to parent him and aside from these things I do see a future with him. I realise it will be a lot of work but I want to know from a males perspective for two things: Do you consider this relationship worth it? What can I do to help him and create a better relationship between us? Any tips that I can implement to make it easier for both of us? TIA submitted by /u/CapitalNightWatch
Originally posted by u/CapitalNightWatch on r/AskMen
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