Original Reddit post

Im breaking up with my boy friend, since I’m not emotionally safe with him due to his ex. he dint actually cheat me, but there are some things which made me belive he really have a thing for her and that’s not letting me be in peace and I’m breaking up . if there is any way that I can change my perspective and look at things differently, i could save my relationship. I’m seeking for different views and perspectives on it . For reference, I was not like this from start. Even when he used to bring her up, I never felt bad or thought differently. I started to feel insecure,being compared to as time went on. And these are the things which he did and told that made me like how I am now:

• initial days when we were knowing each other, he mentioned his first love will always be a part in his heart
• at nights when we used to meet on footpaths, when our hands were interlocked , he showed a mark on his hand given by her.
• used to put music and listen together on pods, and used to mention that “uk the singer?” That singer is her doppelganger. He mentioned many times.
• said his ex also had a light blue bag like mine
• when I asked if I remind of her out of insecurity, he told the way i hug reminds her and showed via action of how she holds her, tightly
• used to view her insta profile timely to know what she is doing with her life. This reason is told by him when I asked.
• once he looked at her profile in front of me, when I told him to stop stop, many times. And he promised that he would never see.
• after we went into relationship, out of curiosity I asked if he ever looked. And he said yes. The way he normalised and didn’t felt guilt hurted me more.
• he used to put her in block list. When i asked him to unblock her, cos u r viewing her profile frequently and it’s convient , the reason he gave was because he dint want her to text him. Which is funny cos if she knows his id , she can text from any account. It felt like he put cos he can view conviently even if she changes her username.
• we went on live in for a month, and i started to become more insecure, even nrml things about her made me lose my peace.
• once he put tv songs , and he was praising shraddha kapoor . He always did ,but I never felt any bad, I also like actors. But that day he told shradha looks like that singer(his ex doppelganger) . My heart broke into pieces. He always mentions how shradhha is the only actress he ever likes.
• I used to ask things like- is she rich, is she smart out of insecurity,that atleast one factor I should be better. And even though I dint ask like comparision, he told she is smart like me.
• sometimes I feel like if I remind of her ,that’s y he fell for me.
• I asked once - what do u think about this - ppl like some charecterstics, so when ppl date , do u think they will find similarity with their ex. He told obv common things will be.
• when I tried to bring things ,like that time when i told him not to open her profile in front of me- he dint stop. The desperate in him to open and view, broke my heart. Felt like I dint matter. My feelings dint matter.
• other time when he saw her profile after we on relationship. I dint felt little guilt in him. I felt like my feelings dint matter.
• and once I tried to open up and asked - if we breakup what would be the reason- he told idk- I told it might be because of ur ex, u won’t cheat physically but mentally u might cheat, I might feel bad and leave. And his response was- not gonna happen dw. Nothing else, why I’m feeling this way, let’s talk, say more. Nothing. Just - dw, not gonna happen. I felt in this thing, he was not caring in which I was suffering the most.
• he did say the way i speak is like her too.
• i feel like it would be solved , I wouldn’t feel this pathetic if he spoke , reassured me, and accountable to the actions he did.
• his reasons for those actions felt so stupid, like he told I was in classroom , bored so i opened blocklist and i normally viewed her profile. And her profile was changed so I viewed. I dint knew he was viewing to that extent that he remembers her last profile.
• i became my pathetic self. Lost my self . Started compare. Used to see her profile multiple times a day. Started asking gpt who looks better by sending oue pics. Even if he said I looked better, at first it felt good. Then again it felt nrml, i dint stop this doing. I need validation from my guy. I want my guy to feel im good not gpt. Still it dint stop me from asking gpt. Now she is in my block list too, I’m looking at her profile . I started hating myself for not being enough for him . I got insecure. Felt like the only things which he like in me are reminding her. So pathetic my mind became. No good sleep. No peace in this relationship.
• I agree that at some point i was over thinking, but im not like this. His actions made me this way. He should be accountable for his actions rather than just saying I’m over thinking.
• this is my 3 rd relationship and I feel im cursed. Idk what’s wrong with me. I wanted to be chosen, loved by my man.
• I mentioned these things cos I’m having these issues. But he is a very great guy. Just because I dint mention, doesn’t mean he is only bad. He did a lot to me.
• is there a way I can save this relationship. submitted by /u/ResidentButterfly153

Originally posted by u/ResidentButterfly153 on r/AskMen