I just came home from a family gathering I had to attend and went by the tobacco place. I haven’t vaped in a about a year, but the urge to calm down brought me close to tears. Like heart pounding, groping your hair, walking, almost running kind of tension in my body. Ultimately I didn’t buy a new vape. My dad is currently on the brink of dying, as he smoked his whole life. I don’t want to copy that. So, I walked home, opened a beer, and laid in bed for 15mins to scroll on my phone until I got myself up to sit down at my laptop. At the time of writing this I am getting another beer. I have a programming assignment that will take me two days, and is due tomorrow. Tomorrow I can’t work on it, as I have to work for my family. Before today I couldn’t work, as I had to study for an exam that was yesterday. Yesterday in the evening I worked for a charity. During the workweek I had lectures which I had to skip to work on part of my thesis as I have to be in the laboratory. I haven’t spent quality time with my girlfriend in two weeks. I didn’t manage to go to the gym in three months. At night I can’t sleep, so I just stare at my phone or on the TV screen until I pass out. My day starts at around 07:00 with a Monster energy, and an Ibuprofen and pseudoephedrine (as my sinuses are kinda on strike for like weeks). I pass out at around 02:00 in the morning. In the evening when I get home from uni or the lab I drink two to three beers to calm down and get some more work done. I can’t anymore. Outside the weather is finally getting better. My google calendar has a deadline or to-do every day until the end of October. From the outside this probably is not visible. I got a caring and supportive girlfriend. A family I am quite fond of(, but as they support me I can’t really say no to them). Moreover, I am also quite successful in my part of STEM. I am doing my masters, a paper is on its way, I work with some of the best people (nobel-laureate kinda level) in the field. I get to do amazing laboratory work and the list goes on. I got it good, I don’t have to worry about surviving and I guess I am quite successful, and should be grateful. For the last months I just wanted to keep going one more week. Just one more. Right now I just don’t know how to get up tomorrow to go to work again. I don’t want to drink every god-damn evening alone. I don’t want to pass out thinking about what I have to do tomorrow, and wake up feeling weeks behind of schedule. After all, every time I achieve something I am just glad it is done, and I can focus on the next to-do. Life has no joy and is a pure grind. At least I didn’t get a vape. TL;DR: A whiny bitch has everything and is ungrateful for it. Now he’s asking for your soothing words because he can’t pull himself up like he should, even though he’s 24. submitted by /u/Professional-Cake151
Originally posted by u/Professional-Cake151 on r/AskMen