Idk if this sounds irrational but i have this fear about being a terrible parent in the future. like i grew up basically being afraid of my dad because of his hyper critical, judgmental, and overall toxic behaviour. i never really could express myself around him and couldn’t show negative or “weak” emotions without him being dismissive or getting mad. there’s also other things he did that i don’t feel comfortable mentioning but overall he was not a safe person to confide in (or be around). despite my upbringing i’ve managed to maintain that soft and sensitive side of me that i held onto growing up despite him trying his best to drain it out of me. but the thing is i see myself in him sometimes. there are times i see myself doing things that he would do, even if they’re the most mundane or harmless things and it kinda terrifies me. because he wasn’t always a bad person but he got unhealthy after he and my mom began having kids. we both get sensitive when we’re offended/hurt. although when i get hurt i don’t take it out on others. my mom told me one day that i remind her of dad when he was younger and i kid you not that was one of the worst things i’ve ever heard, and this is coming from a nonconformist who dealt/heard a lot of sht from other kids growing up. the thought of being compared to him is…idk again i know this is irrational but yeah whenever i think about my gf and the possibility of being a dad i can’t imagine putting another kid through the same trauma i went through with my dad. i don’t want to have kids in the future and this is a big reason why. part of me wants to take care of another human and teach them it’s okay to be themselves, to feel safe around their dad, and to follow their hearts. but the side that’s afraid of accidentally traumatizing a kid is stronger. like even the slightest chance of me doing that is a driving force to not open that possibility up with having kids of my own. submitted by /u/itz_vampy
Originally posted by u/itz_vampy on r/AskMen
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