Like the title says, my husband and I have been together for 15 years. We’re only just starting to open up our marriage and explore things outside of it. In the process, I’ve realized I’m a lot more attracted to women than I ever admitted to myself before him. If I had been fully honest with myself back then, and if life had given me the chance, I honestly think I could have ended up in a relationship with a woman. I still love my husband deeply and have zero desire to leave him. I’m definitely bisexual. But I can’t shake this strong pull to experience what it would feel like to have my “ideal” lesbian partner, someone I connect with romantically, emotionally, and sexually. The specific issue is exactly who I want that partner to be. My husband, like a lot of guys, was initially really into the idea of me being with other women. That part was exciting for him. What he’s struggled with is learning the details of what actually turns me on. I’m not interested in feminine women who look like me. I’m drawn to masculine, plus-size (BBW) lesbians. I want to be a girlfriend to one. I want the romantic dates, the emotional connection, and yes, I want to be submissive to her in the bedroom and in the dynamic. That realization has hit him hard. He’s now pulling back and saying he doesn’t really want me to do it anymore. I get why he’s struggling. This went from “hot threesome fantasy” to something that feels deeper and more real than he expected. But I need him to understand that this isn’t a threat to our marriage or to my love for him. Exploring this side of me doesn’t mean I love him any less. It’s something I’ve suppressed for a long time, and now that I finally feel safe enough to look at it, I really want to experience it. I know it would be so much easier for him if he could be involved or at least observe, but the women I’m attracted to are typically very firm about not wanting any male presence at all, no watching, no joining, nothing. That’s the part I don’t know how to fix or navigate. I want to reassure him that my heart is still fully with him, but I also don’t want to bury this part of myself again. Has anyone else been in a similar spot? How did you help your partner feel secure when your desires turned out to be more specific and emotionally loaded than they expected? submitted by /u/LadyBud1990
Originally posted by u/LadyBud1990 on r/AskMen