I guess I’m what people would call a “late bloomer” or “slow learner,” to put it gently. I was an angry, self-sabatoging, butthead. Classical case of “needed fixing.” Sadly,I wasted my 20s because of blinders and confirmation bias. I only wanted the bad to validate my negative behavior, ignoring the good that was right in front of me. In my 30s, I wanted to learn about my inner child and “where it all went wrong.” Not so much about my childhood, but more so, the accountability of having choices for how I reacted. It was hard! The engrained bad habits and constant struggle of “better” vs actual experience. It was polar oppsites of trying to justify remaining one way while learning how to change my perspective. It’s like wearing the wrong prescription glasses. It’s hard to see clearly. Once I became a dad, I think that’s where the negativity and trauma started to play more of a positive role. It wasn’t myself I had to be better for, but my child. It wasn’t a perfect turn around, but consistency became more of a theme. Now, being in my 40s, I’ve become almost grateful for the things I once found torturous. Yes, there are still some unresolved issues. I still feel unprepared, ignorant, and uncertain about how things are supposed to be. But I use my past to help steer me away from what I know is detrimental to my child’s development and growth. I know what a bad father is, but I only have an imagination for what a good one is. The problem I’ve had with an absent father and having been raised by a single mother is I’m trying to manage the feeling of “I have no idea if what I’m doing, but I hope it’s for the best.” It’s hard to be confident, feel reassured, and/or feel good as a person. All I know is: I’m really trying to make this life one we won’t regret. submitted by /u/optimaltimemism
Originally posted by u/optimaltimemism on r/AskMen