Thank you in advance for your comments and for taking the time to read this. I’m 19, almost 20, and like almost everyone else, I’ve struggled with problems in my life. I grew up without a father figure, in poverty, and suffered from anxiety and a constant fight-or-flight response, which has affected my personality and behavior today. I have very low self-confidence and self-esteem, which leads me to put others before me and give my all, even when I should be taking care of myself. Because of this lack of a father figure, I haven’t been able to develop a real connection with a male person, which is something a boy growing up in this situation naturally lacks. For my family’s sake and because I didn’t know what else to do, I finished high school and am starting an apprenticeship this year, which I’m really looking forward to. The problem is that I’m actually very ambitious and want to achieve great things, but I keep lying to myself and don’t follow through on what I set out to do. Whether it’s sports, studying, or changing my behavior, I never follow through on anything. Last year, I had my first girlfriend at 18 and had a really great time, but it ended because of my behavior. I realized then that I tend to blame everyone else for my problems, just to avoid looking bad. Until yesterday, when I started thinking about whether I might be the problem myself. I wanted to go to the gym, build a physique, but I lied to myself every day, saying I didn’t have time, etc. I said I was going to lose weight to get back in shape, but I was making excuses. I said I was going to focus on getting my driver’s license, until I failed the test two days ago due to a lack of observation… I hate myself for that, and also because I’m sabotaging myself. Support? I usually avoid it because I somehow lack the ability to genuinely feel empathy, which makes me seem strange to many people. I just want to completely change myself and my life, ideally by 180 degrees, but I don’t know why. I make plans, but I forget them because of friends or other things, since my friends don’t encourage me to work on myself, go to the gym, or focus on my career and maybe achieve something great. I know I’m 19, and many will say I’m still a child, and to be honest, I wish I were more mature, both physically and mentally, because I’m often perceived as younger and don’t feel as mature or grown-up mentally either. I hope to find a solution soon because it’s getting me down more and more each day, and I’m falling into a slightly depressive mood. Thank you for your time. I wish you a nice day and hope I can answer your questions here if needed, or give me suggestions or further tips. Thank you. submitted by /u/Bored_German_
Originally posted by u/Bored_German_ on r/AskMen
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