Original Reddit post

I am in a six year secret relationship. I am 28 and he’s almost 30. The problem we have is that I was his friend’s ex and after 8 months of my break up we fell in love unexpectedly. It wasn’t intentional or anything. We never intended to hurt someone, it just happened. 6 years I’ve been fighting with him to acknowledge me to show me to the world. He doesn’t show emotions. He struggles with saying I love you and I think he’s very avoidant person. Every time I tried expressing how I feel about something, he turns it into argument and he would be angry and ignore for days and then I would ask for forgiveness or say sorry or act cute and funny so he can soften up. He never said I’m sorry for anything he did and hurtful things like: he went out group he has where his ex is and they weren’t following each other and they were blocked but since they had their high school reunion, they unblocked each other. he said to me that the reason was because he doesn’t classmates to find out that they don’t talk to each other because their relationship was also secret and after the reunion, there was like a mini group that they went out together multiple times and they would post stories on Instagram and his ex would post that stories and he would share it. The first photo he shared was of the class in the reunion so I was like OK but after that, there were two following story that were from small group gatherings and I told him that I was bothered by it. I asked him not to post 2nd and 3rd time, and he did. He argued with me that It didn’t mean anything to him, but he had to share it because he didn’t want to explain to peopl why is the only one who doesn’t share the story. I couldn’t make sense of it, he hurt me on purpose only seeing his aspect Of the problem. and every situation was like this. I would tell him that I feel bad about something and he would become so frustrated and he has this kind of way explaining it very reasonable and logical that i am shut down. He always thinks that I’m the problem, but I know that things he does as a partner are not okay. I am constantly bothered because he never asked me anything about my life like he’s not interested like I am. Questions in details about anything which is weird to me and I don’t understand because I’m always interested in everything he says, and I remember everything, but he doesn’t. Never remembers anything from my life. He didn’t wanna meet my friends and said that they aren’t likable to him. He also didn’t wanna include me in public things. For example there is a marathon every year in June and last year, I couldn’t do it because I was at a wedding, but he was at the marathon and he said that we will run together this year and of course I’m expecting someone to fulfill his promise. And I said to him jokingly said that you said we gonna run together and he ignored me for two hours avoiding answering it and of course I reacted to that and he got angry saying you can sign up for the marathon. I don’t have to ask you personally do you want to run with me? I’m gonna go with the people from my work. You can decide whether you want to do or not and just tell me. I would so happy if he even considered me for something, but he constantly leads separate life. He even doesn’t understand why he needs to tell his coworkers who am I. Like they weren’t top priority people to know who am I. I can’t understand him. Like he’s continuously rude to me when we fight. He always insults me and saying that he cannot be with someone like this his whole life and that I’m not a potential wife because of my character and this is not my character, I am sure of it. He says I am not well in my head and I have psychological problems. That I am crazy whenever I try addressing something, and the problems I address are very valid. I am very self-aware and I’m going to psychologist for years, and I understand every pattern and every trait that he has and I can’t handle the manipulations and the domination that he is doing to me. Whenever I try to tell him how I feel about something he puts his wall up and wanna break up. Then I feel like an addict, start to beg not to break up, that I will do good, won’t argue or whine about anything. All night I was sweating, had very bad stomach pain and heart pain and I cannot sleep. I am afraid to be without him. I am afraid that he will find another person and he will treat her way better than me. I am afraid that I’m the problem in the relationship and that really is my character. I am sorry if this is written in chaos, but I am so confused of our relationship. He presents me as the problem but he has done so many hurtful things and still says that he cannot be with someone like me who is so dramatic. Only thing I want to have is basic fulfilled needs in a relationship. I constantly find myself asking for I love you, heart emoji, expressing love in any way, showing interest, attention, priority, validation, being heard but it’s always a problem to get it because ”I am too sensitive” and overreacting. In this relationship I feel like the only rule and person is him. And he is the God who sets how this gonna go and I have no right of complaining. I don’t know how to let go. I honestly feel like an addict who struggles from getting back to drugs. I am so scared to be without him. submitted by /u/SnooMuffin114

Originally posted by u/SnooMuffin114 on r/AskMen