Warning: A bit long +flair: wanna share +flair: ranting/venting Idk where to even start, a year ago I was on internet, just another day, I commented on a random post and received a dm, I replied and we started talking, turned out we live about 3hrs from each other by bus we talked a lot, to the point I didn’t even realise how hours became days and days became months, both our family situations were so that even tho living close by, it was a long distance relationship… I was actually really alone, no friends, family wasn’t really close, so I thought I gained a really great friend who I could share anything with and they’d be real no matter what we planned on meating many times but couldn’t for one reason or another and like that months passed, and one day we thaught we should take a step forward, we both were scared of losing a best friend but, with lot of hesitation we both got together and started our long distance relationship it was going really good for both of us, I thaught I had everything, I was in a very bad mental state and felt like she was healing me we were madly in love with eachother, even tho far, she felt close, we talked for hours about everything, life, studies, family, us, future, random stuff… everything! then after a month had passed, I started to get scared, am I worthy?, my family wasn’t really normal either, my dad’s complete arshole, drunkard, he had kicked me, my mother and brother out of house while I was a relationship too… nothing was ok actually… I had a lot on my plate, still do, I was finding it difficult to fit love in my life and came to a conclusion that what I was feeling wasn’t love and thaught if I fake then it’ll hurt both of us, so 2 months into my first ever relationship, yes! 2 freakin’ months, I decided to tell her what was going on in mind it wasn’t really a closure, since I didn’t know, and still don’t know how it’s supposed to unfold, I just told her that I am not feeling it, that I love her as friend but I am not able to reciprocate her feelings and if we continue I’ll just keep hurting the both of us that day, I feel like I lost my only best friend, the only person I thought, that in future I can sit and have beer with and talk about life… I regret having lost that kind of friend, I feel pathetic, that I gave in to my desperation and ruined a perfectly well going friendship, that I lost the most humble, simple, understanding, efforts putting, caring and really lovely of a human being as a friend… if only I could differentiate between love and admiration, if only I knew my feelings better, I could’ve had a friend for life… Now I’ve been talking to someone, we’re kinda in a relationship, yet to meet but someone close to me has met her and introduced me to her, and I feel like an asshole… idk why but I do, I wish I hadn’t lost my friend (now my ex)… I ruined everything in 2 months… Edit- We did not really break contact, we texted eachother after about 2 months of break up, and talked occasionally sometimes, like after a month or so but never the same like before… Edit 2- Well she let out all she had suppressed, that she felt used emotionally by me, that how a\*s of a person I was to her, she told me all that she had in her heart, and even with justification, I couldn’t deny what she said, not one point!.. and well she also told me that she got into another relationship after the break up, not emotionally, but my heart sank when she told me “I felt used emotionally by you, the guy I am with now is never available, all he cares about is horny conversation, he asked for just cuddling, then even when I said no, he forced himself on me… and I didn’t say no, I felt so worthless, used emotionally that I just gave in and let him use me physically, evrything on my mind, all the stress, from whatever source it came, I just gave in to that brief moment of pleasure…” it was her first time damn it! I felt horrible when I heard that, I felt like why did I not die? I ruined someone’s life ffs, I deserve to burn in hell… someone’s dignity, something as precious as that, someones first time… I just stripped her off of it… I am a horrible horrible person… and yeah that was the last time we spoke, she broke all contact with me after that… btw, ik IATA submitted by /u/ReallyFuckedUpInHead
Originally posted by u/ReallyFuckedUpInHead on r/AskMen
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