Hey everyone! I’m asking men here if they’ve experienced this feeling with their partner and any tips on how to over come this? My partner and I have been together 3 years and we are engaged (35f) and (40m). Recently he opened up to me about an insecurity he has about me leaving every time there is conflict. No matter how gently I bring up anything I have an issue with it always leads to days of disconnection and emotional neglect. Sometimes it is a blow out. I’ve been doing a lot of inner work and healing and I’m able to notice this pattern clearly now, without feeling emotional. The last round I told him if this pattern isn’t fixed I’m scared it will tear us apart as I’m starting to form a resentment because nothing changes. He FINALLY opened up that every time we have conflict he gets scared I’m going to leave and then starts treating me poorly, basically projecting. Almost like “well you’re leaving so I’m putting every defense up” and he becomes very cold. The part that we talked about the most is that this is a made up fear in his head and I know if he could develop security then we could have normal disagreements and resolutions without me needing to constantly reassure him (which I’m willing to do to an extent but he needs to work on this) And I can see he does want to do the work but doesn’t know how. We both read Reddit and would appreciate any advice on how others have handled this, I know he’s not alone. And I have my own insecurities I work through. I absolutely adore him as he’s an amazing man but has had a hard past, but we all have and need to grow. We both want to make this work so any ill advice or nasty comments will be ignored. submitted by /u/AffectionateFlow1816
Originally posted by u/AffectionateFlow1816 on r/AskMen
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