My boyfriend doesn’t express his feelings often, and when he does, it’s only to me and no one else. So, I moved abroad last year to start my master’s degree. In my program I met the guy who is now my boyfriend of almost 6 months, who’s from this country but moved states for his studies. He’s a great guy, sweet, funny, caring, boy-ish without being immature or irresponsible. He’s very communicative in almost all areas and he’s super receptive and understanding when I need emotional support (and I have diagnosed depression, so he’s seen me in some real lows). As a couple, everything is going well and I feel like we’re building something good and lasting. But for the last few months, he’s been struggling mentally a lot. He doesn’t like his (part time) job, which he knows is temporary but it still drains and frustrates him very often. He also hasn’t really been able to make any real friends in this new city, specially people that share any of his interests. He gets along well with a bunch of our classmates, but wouldn’t really consider them his friends in the same way that I do. And tbh, after having seen him with his friend group back in the old city, I can see why. He just hasn’t connected quite like that with anyone here, and he really misses the people and things back there. And although now he has started to shut down other social interactions because of this, I have to give him credit and say that he really did try for real. The thing is, he’s pretty bad at expressing his feelings, tends to let things bottle up or straight up avoids topics that he knows will give him an emotional reaction. Like, I ask how he’s feeling and either he’ll say the boy-tipical “I’m okay” and not elaborate, or he’ll just go “Meh” and…also not elaborate. If I ask directly how he’s feeling about something, most of the time he says that he doesn’t really want to talk about it or asks me to drop the subject. I try not to press, because he very directly told me at the beginning that that’s more likely to make him hide than open up, so my strategy has been to 1) let him come to me or, 2) start a conversation talking about my feelings to encourage him to express his. But now I feel like he’s letting it fester so much that this will not work for much longer, and I don’t know what to do? I feel pretty impotent here. I can’t fix his job, I can’t make friends for him and I can’t force him to open up. It’s also now making me go into anxiety-fueled worst case scenarios about him getting tired of it and choosing to move back (which he hasn’t mentioned at all and would be pretty extreme but, also, not impossible?). I also know that if he’s not talking to me about his feelings, he’s not talking to ANYONE, not even those close friends from the other town. And don’t get me wrong, I’m happy that he feels safe and comfortable with me, but I also worry about all the other things that he might feel like he can’t share because they involve me in some way and are now going unsaid and possibly festering too. This might just be my anxiety talking, but I just wish he had more people he felt like he could share his burdens with and get comfort from. I love him and relay on him so much, but I appreciate having my friends (even the ones an ocean away) there to lean on to. I feel like this is such a man thing that I just don’t understand? And I don’t want us to fall into the “girlfriend is a therapist” dynamic. But I also don’t want him to hide from me?? And I’m worried that eventually his frustration with external things will grow to affect our relationship dynamic??? Basically, I’m stuck. I don’t even know if I’m here ranting or looking for advice. But please give any if you have it :( submitted by /u/Silly_Fig_7129
Originally posted by u/Silly_Fig_7129 on r/AskMen