I see this advice a lot here, especially directed at men who struggle on dating apps, that they need to lower your standards. But I’m honestly confused about what that means in real life. I’m one of those men who struggles on dating apps. I wouldn’t say I get zero likes, but the vast majority of likes I get are from women I feel no physical attraction toward. And I don’t mean that in a cruel way. Many of them are genuinely nice,and easy to talk to. So I tried to be more open-minded. I matched with some of them. I told myself, maybe attraction can grow, maybe I’m being too rigid, maybe I need to give people a chance. But the brutal truth is, that I can’t brute-force physical attraction. The conversations are often easy, sometimes much easier than with women I’m actually attracted to. But there’s no pull. I don’t get that excitement, that desire to meet, I don’t find myself looking forward to the conversation. Instead, I start feeling trapped and guilty. And then I notice myself doing shitty things. I lose interest mid-conversation. I think about setting up dates, then deleting the app. Sometimes I even catch myself trying to make myself seem less appealing so they’ll unmatch me or ghost me first, because I’m more used to being rejected than being the one who rejects someone. That part honestly makes me feel super bad. These women didn’t do anything wrong. They’re not bad people. I just don’t feel attraction, and pretending otherwise feels dishonest. So when people say lower your standard, what do they actually mean? Do they mean date someone you feel no attraction toward and hope it magically appears? Do they mean accept a relationship where the person is nice but you don’t desire them? Do they mean stop caring about physical attraction completely? Because I tried to be more realistic and open, but it didn’t make me more attracted. It just made me feel guilty and avoidant. I honestly prefer watching a lame Netflix séries than going in date with a woman I don’t feel physically attracted to, so how do you do it ? I would like to know, how do you separate being too picky and forcing yourself into something you don’t want. Of course I did work on myself, I’m fit, well educated with a high paying job, i have some hobbies and Ihave a clean lifestyle. submitted by /u/Eastern_Anywhere_729
Originally posted by u/Eastern_Anywhere_729 on r/AskMen
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