I’m turning 22 soon, and I honestly don’t know how to sort through my thoughts. Looking back, my youth feels completely lost to survival mode, and the pressure of entering manhood under my current circumstances is getting too heavy to carry. I grew up without a father. He passed away years ago, and I never had a male role model to show me how adulthood works. My relationship with my mother is broken. I expected a normal transition into life, like learning to drive, getting a car, and gaining independence. Instead, she emotionally checked out. I only still live with her because of money, and the toxic silence in that house chips away at me every single day. ADHD, depression, and social anxiety have shaped most of my life. Because of years of near-total isolation, I completely missed out on learning basic social skills. Lately, I’ve tried hard to change things. I lost a lot of weight, forced myself out of my comfort zone, and got a job. On the surface, it’s working. My coworkers genuinely like me, talk to me, and invite me out. But the moment my shift ends and I walk through my front door, reality hits. The silence takes over, and it’s just me and my thoughts again. I’ve never been on a proper date, and I have no close friends. Seeing people my age on Instagram makes time feel heavier. A single random photo on someone else’s profile seems to contain more real living and memories than the last several years of my life combined. Recently, I got way too attached to a girl at work. It made me realize how desperate I am to matter to someone. The truth is, I don’t even think I liked her; I just craved the feeling of being important to someone for once. Instead of moving on, I spend days overanalyzing minor, awkward interactions and obsessing over tiny mistakes. The hardest part isn’t even the loneliness; it’s the shame. Society tells you that as a man, you need to be resourceful, independent, have a career, a car, and a license. I have none of that. I’m not in college, I’m not “grinding,” and mentally, I am in a very deep hole. I’ve made some progress recently, but I am entirely burnt out. I have zero strength left to chase any more self-improvement right now. To the older guys here, or anyone who started from absolute zero with a broken background: How do you carry this kind of regret and shame without letting it destroy your self-worth? How do you find a space among people when everyone else your age already seems established? TL;DR: 21M, father deceased, awful home life with mom. No car, no license, not in college. Completely burnt out on trying to improve myself. Lacking social skills and feeling intense shame and pressure for being so far behind other men. Looking for advice on how to handle the loneliness and break through the social wall. submitted by /u/ClassroomOk7243
Originally posted by u/ClassroomOk7243 on r/AskMen