Obviously I’m not saying all women are like this, and I know plenty of men are terrible at taking criticism too. But as a 29-year-old guy, this is something I’ve personally experienced a lot, whether in relationships, friendships, stories from friends, or even discussions online. It feels like a common issue some men deal with is this: if their girlfriend/wife/partner does something that hurts them, comes off disrespectful, or just genuinely bothers them, bringing it up often turns into defensiveness instead of an actual conversation. For example, you calmly explain that something she said or did upset you, and instead of “I understand” or “I’ll work on that,” the response becomes silence, attitude, denial, or somehow the issue gets flipped back onto you. Sometimes it turns into “Well I only did that because you did X,” instead of just acknowledging your feelings. And after a while, that starts to make you not even want to open up anymore as a man, because you feel like expressing how you feel is either going to get dismissed, criticized, or turned into an argument. It gets exhausting constantly wondering if bringing up something that bothered you is even worth it. I can only speak for myself here, but when someone calls me out for something I said or did that hurt them, my first instinct is usually to apologize and try to work on it. I’m not perfect, obviously, but I at least try to acknowledge their feelings instead of immediately getting defensive. In my personal experience, though, it often feels like I’m the one apologizing first or trying to smooth things over, even when I was the one hurt in the first place. What makes it confusing to me is that growing up, you constantly hear that women want men to open up more emotionally, communicate better, and be vulnerable. And honestly, for years I was pretty emotionally closed off. But ever since I started trying to be more open and honest about how I feel, I’ve noticed that a lot of the time I end up feeling worse afterward than if I had just kept it to myself. So it creates this weird conflict where you’re told being emotionally open is important, but sometimes when you actually do it, the reaction makes you regret saying anything at all. Again, I know men do this too. I’m not pretending this is one-sided. I’m just speaking from personal experience and I’m curious if other guys have dealt with the same dynamic. How do you handle situations like that without the relationship turning into resentment or emotional shutdown over time? submitted by /u/Remarkableruin27
Originally posted by u/Remarkableruin27 on r/AskMen