So, a friend recently told me that he can’t stand the following pattern: His gf is upset by something, then a day or two later there is an avalanche of very aggressive messages or sentences coming his way including some name calling plus listing everything he has ever done wrong . He says that this is not a good way of arguing, this enrages her more and she says this can only be solved by him agreeing and apologizing . Basically the good old “he sees it as a rational argument in which you have to make good points, she sees it as an emotional argument that needs concessions on an emotional level” stereotype. That made me recognize that this is a pattern in my and all my hetero mates relationships nearly to a t. And the problem is: There seems to be no good way out. Men who just ignore their partners enrage them, men who try to argue with them enrage them even more, and men who always concede and apologize (even if they might completely disagree) enable this type of arguing . I myself can seemingly consider myself lucky amongst my mates, because my wife often, after calming down after a similar onslaught, says something like “oh I was a bit upset about X and became angry and irrational”, which usually in turn also makes me feel less agitated and readier to revisit the topic and find common ground. Don’t get me wrong, I also sometimes see her point straight away and agree, still this way of arguing feels extremely toxic to me, so I did not really have any good advice for my friend other than saying " welcome to the club ". I know this is such a worn out trope , and not all women argue like this, but it does align with my mates and my personal experiences. What gives? How does one get out of this dynamic? Should we hold women who argue like this more accountable instead of just going “that’s just how they are”? I’d love to tell me friend: Just avoid women like that, but even my wife was like “he will be single forever then”. Not really interested in whataboutisms, I know us guys can be unbelievably toxic as well. TLDR: Women often argue with men in ways that feel overly hostile and more like emotional strong-arming than a genuine attempt at solving underlying relationship issues. Aware that this comes from a place of them being hurt, still feels wrong to me and many guys I know. submitted by /u/relatable_problem
Originally posted by u/relatable_problem on r/AskMen