My husband and I got married in an arranged marriage in January 2026. Before our marriage, we spent about eight months getting to know each other while I was living in the United States with my family and he was in Pakistan with his family. After our wedding, my family returned to the U.S., and my husband and I were able to spend two months together before I had to return to America because of my job. I am 29 years old and my husband is 30. We both feel ready to start a family and have children. However, our circumstances make the decision more complicated. I have already filed immigration paperwork for him to come to the United States, but the process is lengthy and we expect his visa may not be approved until late 2027. In the meantime, we are living in a long-distance marriage. I am planning my next trip to Pakistan for September or early October. I prefer not to travel during the summer because of the extreme heat. Another factor is that my sister-in-law is expected to deliver her baby around late October or early November. During that period, the family will naturally be focused on supporting her and helping with the newborn, and my husband will likely be occupied assisting her as well. Since our time together is already limited, I would prefer to spend my visit focusing on our relationship and enjoying uninterrupted time together as a couple. One of my biggest concerns is pregnancy while living apart from my husband. I am emotionally ready to become a mother, and my husband is ready to become a father, but I do not want to experience pregnancy alone while he is in another country. Although I have considered leaving my job and temporarily moving to Pakistan during the visa process, I believe the healthcare system in the United States would provide better care during pregnancy and delivery. I would also prefer to give birth in the United States so that there are no future concerns regarding our child’s citizenship status. When we were together after our wedding, I chose to receive a contraceptive injection because I knew I would soon be returning to the United States and did not want to become pregnant immediately before another long separation. Looking back, I still feel that was the right decision at the time. There are also personal goals my husband and I hope to accomplish before having children. We would like to take a small honeymoon trip to northern Pakistan and perform Umrah together as a couple. I am hoping that during my September or October visit we may be able to fit in the northern Pakistan trip. If I am able to stay for a longer period—possibly three months between January and April—we could potentially perform Umrah during that visit and then begin trying for a baby. At the same time, I am comfortable waiting if that seems to be the wiser choice. Part of me feels it may make sense to delay trying for a baby until his visa is closer to approval so that we can begin parenthood together rather than spending much of the pregnancy or early childhood apart. Finances are another consideration. My husband recently left his job and is currently searching for a new position. While doctors can earn reasonable incomes in some rural clinics and healthcare settings, I still worry about the financial stability required to support both me and a child. This uncertainty makes major life decisions feel even more complicated. I have even considered leaving my job entirely and moving back to Pakistan while we wait for the visa process to finish. We discussed me saving up money so we will use his for day to day expenses and my savings I’ll come with for any larger purchases, expenses, emergencies. That would allow us to be together, build our marriage, and start a family sooner. However, I am unsure whether that would be the best decision for our long-term future. What I know for certain is that I deeply want to build a life with my husband, and the thought of navigating pregnancy, childbirth, and the early stages of parenthood without him physically present is difficult for me. I am trying to balance my desire to start a family now with the practical realities of immigration, finances, healthcare, and the importance of experiencing these milestones together. submitted by /u/Significant_Cup4520
Originally posted by u/Significant_Cup4520 on r/AskMen
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