Sup folks. I’ll preface by saying that there is definitely a feeling of embarrassment writing this. Any advice would be appreciated. As mentioned, my GF was very promiscuous prior to us being in a relationship, and I recently learned that it was more involved than I originally thought. Initially, after taking her out on a few simple first dates 10 years ago (tennis, hiking & a show), I learned after 3 dates that she already had a boyfriend. I immediatly halted any further advances after learning this, her stating years later that she thought they were just friendly hangouts and nothing more. We worked together, and I remained professional despite. A few months after learning about the other guy however, she then invited me out one evening. I asked about the other guy beforehand and she told that they had broken up. We hooked up that evening. After dating for 2 months, she then broke it off herself, stating she was a bit of a mess and needed to clean her life up. I remained professional and cordial once again, given our workplace and not wanting to make things uncomfortable. A few weeks after this, I also learned she began hooking up with one of her old friends, seeing them holding eachother at a bar one evening. Enlisting in the military that year, I received my joining instructions with a start date. Two days prior to leaving however, she asked to meet one evening where she then told me that she loved me. We stayed in contact over the next year while I was away, even visiting eachother during a break in training. She wanted to move across the country to be with me, which she did later that year. Unfortunately only finding employment as a server after moving in together, I had to lay down my boundaries a few months later after she began accepting invites to “hangout” from male customers at the bar where she worked. As far as I am aware, nothing direct has occured since that first year together. There have been a few times though where I’ve had to clarify to her that “That man is flirting with you”, and she acts as if she doesnt know. Just a few weeks ago however, I jokingly stated that “I knew you used to be a hoe before we got together.” She responded by saying “How did you know?” I simply retold the chain of events I described above, but then asked if there had been anymore. After a brief pause, I learned that she had also been hooking up with a coworker of ours after breaking up with me earlier that first year, as well as another random hookup she met one evening. Piecing together the timeline with her, I learned much of this was occuring only days before I left for training when she told me she loved me. This has definitely caused some confusing feelings for me, especially learning about the coworker as we were all somewhat friends, we hung out together often as a group, and he had been aware of my feelings for her during that time. I sort of feel that both of them had been lying to me. I’m also now questioning how many red flags I’ve probably ignored over the past 10 years. Any advice folks? How would you proceed? submitted by /u/Dhcbchef
Originally posted by u/Dhcbchef on r/AskMen