Hi. This may be a long one. I (28f) have been with my boyfriend (29m) for 7+ years and have been in each other’s lives since we were about 13. He’s always been my best friend and I care for him deeply. He’s never had a long term gf before so I keep reminding myself to be patient with him. He’s always been kinda introverted. He finds dealing with any form of conflict incredibly difficult, to the point that he will shut down and say nothing and wait for the silence to be over, make some comment about something random (maybe on the TV or whatever) and brushes it under the rug until we’re okay again. I myself am the opposite and like to confront situations head on, which I understand can come across as brash. However, I prefer to deal with the conflict “then and there” so we can get everything out on the table, discuss, and move on. Our communication styles are like chalk and cheese. I am struggling and I can only imagine he is too. I want to make him feel safe and secure enough to really bring his walls down but I’m currently at a loss at how to do this. For further context, when he lived at home (we live together currently 5+ years) they never really discussed hard feelings, which is totally fine and I understand every family is different. I myself have been struggling with ADHD since I was a teen (currently still waiting to see a psychiatrist so I can restart meds as I am certain this will improve my QoL and ultimately my relationship too), so I recognise I can be emotional and quick to frustration especially when I want to discuss an issue or call something out I may not agree with… just to be met with a shrug, or simply just silence. I am trying to be patient, but it is draining substance out of my life. I told him I’m beginning to feel lonely, our sex life is non existent (it’s been months since our last sexual encounter) and I feel like I don’t truly know him. There is a lot of love between us, but love is not enough. Last night I suggested couples therapy as clearly we cannot move past communication issues on our own. He said “how will I be able to talk to a therapist if I can’t even talk to you” and it just broke my heart. We cried for a while as I hugged him and let him have my shoulder. I told him I just want him to be happy, but I can’t keep living like this. I told him I will support him and I will always be here, but evidently I’m not equipped to deal with whatever walls he has up. Maybe I’ve already answered my own question here, maybe a therapist IS the only person that can help him, but… is there anything I can be doing? Or NOT be doing? I just want to help. Really sorry for the long post. Thank you reading. submitted by /u/Alternative-Gene9417
Originally posted by u/Alternative-Gene9417 on r/AskMen