I’m a 37-year-old married guy. My wife and I have been together for 9 years and married for almost 4 years. We have a 14-month-old daughter. I genuinely love my wife, and in many ways we have a good relationship. We work together as parents, we don’t constantly fight, and I don’t wake up every day wanting a divorce. But I’m struggling with feeling unwanted. It’s not even just about sex anymore. What I miss most is feeling desired. I miss feeling like my wife looks at me and wants me. I miss feeling attractive. I miss feeling like a sexual person instead of just a husband, co-parent, provider, and roommate. Over the years, and especially after becoming parents, our sex life has gradually become less frequent and less enthusiastic. I understand that life changes. Raising a toddler is exhausting. Stress is real. I don’t think she’s trying to hurt me. But emotionally, it still hurts. One thing that’s become difficult to admit is how much my mind now seeks out validation elsewhere. When I go out in public, I immediately notice attractive women. My mind starts wondering what they are like, whether they would find me attractive, what their personalities are like, and sometimes I find myself fantasizing about what it would be like to be desired by someone like that. I don’t think this is because I’m looking to leave my marriage. I think it’s because I feel starved for sexual validation and attention. I’ve also developed strong exhibitionist fantasies over the years. I think a lot of that comes from wanting to feel seen and wanted. Not necessarily because I want random sexual encounters, but because I miss feeling like someone would look at me with genuine desire and excitement. The frustrating thing is that I don’t actually have terrible self-esteem. I like my appearance. I know I’m not perfect, but I don’t see myself as unattractive. That’s part of what makes this so confusing. I still feel like I have a lot of affection, passion, and sexuality to give, but I don’t feel like it’s wanted. Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting so much validation. Other times I feel sad. Sometimes I feel resentful. Mostly, I just miss feeling desired by my wife. Has anyone else experienced their attraction to strangers or exhibitionist fantasies increasing as their marriage became more sexually disconnected? If so, how did you handle it? submitted by /u/nsfw88_2020
Originally posted by u/nsfw88_2020 on r/AskMen