So, for about 3 - 3.5 years ago i had to move to another town. Im really shy, and im an introvert, so it was really hard for me to find friends, connections and get into social life. For about that time i also started drawing, so i went to arts school, as a hobby. There i met that one girl. She was in my class, so the first time we just only see eachother. Then, we started talking, and after a time - i’ve got her number. She had a boyfriend, so for maybe a years we wrre just friends. Already there i developed feelings, and i guess it was wrong to continue talking to her, but i had almost no friends, so for a time it wasn’t a choice. Then, maybe a year into our friendship, she broke up with him. as i remember, he moved out. We started getting closer, and at some point had a date. It felt really nice, and that was the time i kissed her (she was the one who initiated the kiss). Problem came the same day - adter i got home, i’ve got a text. “Sorry, i didn’t feel the same i felt with him” - and it felt horrible for me. An hour ago i was happy, and now this. She blocked me. We move forward, maybe 8 month later. I get a long apology text from her, saying she wasn’t understanding her feeling. Again, i thought - maybe people can change? I still was very shy and naive, felt like it can be it. I still found noone, still was in love. We sloy started spending time together again, firstly with freind group. Then we had a date. Than a second. Third were at her place. We has a few drinks, even though i was really unsure. and again - she initiated something. We had sex. And i wish i’ve stopped her. I can’t say it was bad, but somehow it was. My first relationship, i didn’t knew how to feel and what to do, but still managed to be… ok? The morning after - story repeated itself. I got a long text about how she actually hated me, and that she never really found me attractive. But i was the only one on her side, so she thought it was a good idea. Again, she blocked me. I felt HORRIBLE, really broken and deeply sad. I’ve struggled with depression for a time, since what happened - isn’t what you expect from your first relationship. Then, she moved out of town for a time. We move to current time. I have a loving girlfriend, and for now - we’re doing great. Its literally everything i could’ve dreamed of. She’s smart, gorgeous, funny and actually loves me. The problem is - my “ex” (i guess i can’t even call her my ex) moved back. Maybe a month ago, I met her at the mall. We looked at eachother for a second, and then simply ran “away”. And since then - i don’t know how to feel. It bothers me so much, and i don’t know why. I don’t feel like i want to back with her, no. I deeply HATE her for what she has done, but again - im getting back to thoughts that it was actually my own, and only my fault, and these thoughts are getting louder again. I know that i probably won’t see her again, and i know that if i do - nothing would happen. But this still stresses me so much. So was it her? Me? Both of us? Should i simply ignore all the thought and move on? But its not that easy for some reason. From time to time random stuff can trigger me, and i think about her again. submitted by /u/MishEvous
Originally posted by u/MishEvous on r/AskMen