Not sure where else to ask this so if its in a bad spot, let me know and I’ll repost elsewhere more suitable but first a little about me so you can get a bit of a picture… I’m fairly ADHD, forgetful, hyperactive, procastenator, you know the drill. I’m not medicated, I’m 29 and have gotten this far without it. (Ive also just signed up to the army and you can’t be on ADHD meds, so its sort of out the question anyway) And I guess its funny because on the outside, I guess to some I could look like I’ve got it together or whatever, im obsessed with working out, crossfit, running etc. I also play rugby and I love to socialise, especially beers after rugby or coffee after Saturday crossfit and I guess I’m also pretty charismatic at times, I can hold a conversation and make people laugh, yet even still, even if its going like that, I always have this feeling of never being fully accepted…like it could just be in my head I’ve no idea but I feel like…I make more effort in conversation with people than they do with me, and I try to straddle the thoughts of people pleasing, I don’t want to simp up to people but I also want to be part of the group…I also feel like…I sort of never really get invited out with whoever outside of whatever it is I’m doing, I feel like I observe conversations and I join in but sometimes feels forced idk how to explain it because at the same time, I don’t really feel like a total loser and I know people like me but I also feel that they don’t? Idk I was bullied as a kid and I moved a lot as a kid too. I moved to 3 different countries and was the new kid a fair bit, so I guess that probably has something to do with it… though when I moved to a new country at aged 12 till 17, after a year of getting bullied I ended up finding some friends and actually felt like I did fit in…but then I moved again and since then I’ve never really felt like I fit in. I should also add that when I eventually made friends after the year at the new school/country I became relatively popular and always had people I could hang and chat with and the bullying stopped because I found my feet and confidence… But since then I’ve never really felt like I’ve fit in again and I’ve always felt like somewhat of a misfit…like I love playing sports but hate watching sports, can’t sit still and its boring, love playing video games too, love drinking socially but I’ve never been into drugs or “bags” like a lot of others who go to the pub are…its like im too nerdy for the jocks but too jock for the “nerds” I’ve done all the things that are supposed to be right for mens mental health, I’m in good shape, I’ve boxed and wrestled so I’m not insecure like that either and I hold myself tall, look people in the eye, firm handshake, the works whatever. I’m not sure what im trying to get at…I guess just that I’m not the typical looking insecure dude…but inside I think I might be It could all just be in my head, a result of the bullying as a kid, it was pretty bad…when I lived in England (first country I was born) at high school random kids I didn’t know who were 3 years older than me would dump yoghurt on me, hit me etc. I’d always stand up to the kids my own age and got into a few fights but there’s not much you can so against a year 10 when you’re year 7… I moved to south East Asia, went to a real ritzy private school, opposite of the shit school in England but the bullying went from physical to verbal, backstabbing bitchy stuff, my first instinct was to make it physical because thats how I sorted it at the first school but…that didn’t cut it and I was smart enough to realise that would have only ostracised me more at a place like that, so I just ignored them until I found my friends and got “popular” Then I moved to Australia and I’ve felt I’ve never really fit in here, I guess because I never went to school here I never developed that like bond with anyone here early on, became a gaming addict when I first came here because it was the only place I could actually make friends was online… Fast forward 10years or so and even though I do the right things, i actually do really enjoy playing rugby, crossfit and used to do muay thai, boxing, bjj before and i did make some decent friends there but we never like hung out, outside of the gym. I see people at the crossfit are good friends and hang out outside the gym, message each other etc. but I’m not really involved and feel like an outsider despite when im there people are friendly and we talk and can have a laugh but its like acquaintences more so than good friends who’d have your back… Ive sort of only just joined the rugby team, its my first season so its hard to tell where it could go…but again the lads there seem like they’re closer with each other than I am with any of them and they’re good lads but I still feel like an outsider… Has anyone else dealt with this or have anything similar? Did you manage to ever stop feeling like a misfit or an outsider? TIA submitted by /u/TheWoIfMeister
Originally posted by u/TheWoIfMeister on r/AskMen
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