I need outside perspectives because I’m honestly more frustrated with myself than with her. I got out of a long-term relationship a couple months ago after getting cheated on. I wasn’t looking for another girlfriend, just a rebound. I met one of my managers at work, we started flirting, and I figured it’d just be something casual. As things escalated she told me she’d just gotten out of a relationship, and after some digging i found out it was because her ex cheated on her. She also told me she’d been in a psych ward a couple months prior. I figured, “Okay, she’s probably not looking for anything serious either.” We went on a few dates (Cold Stone, boba, a double date, etc.). Eventually I went back to her place. We were making out in her bed, things started escalating, and then she told me she was on her period. I stopped everything there because I didn’t want to have sex while she was on her period. Later she joked multiple times that I “blue balled” her and even said she wished I’d “run red lights.” The problem is… the more I got to know her, the less I actually liked her. Our personalities didn’t really click. Our sense of humor was different. She has a huge ego. She constantly brought up her ex. One night she literally said, “He has competition,” referring to her ex. My reaction was basically… competition for what? I’m not trying to compete with anybody. Fast forward to yesterday. I walk into work and guess who’s sitting in the break room with her? Her ex. The same ex who cheated on her. They’re laughing, talking about Pokémon, reminiscing, and later she casually tells me she’s hanging out with him again tomorrow after the gym, therapy, and doctor’s appointment. Again, if she wants to get back with him, that’s her business. What bothered me wasn’t jealousy so much as realizing I was probably way more involved in this situation than I should’ve been while she clearly still had a lot going on emotionally. Then she asks me to meet her in the fitting room after my break because she wants me to watch her try on dresses. I come back after my break and ask what she wanted. She looks at me like I’m insane. “What are you talking about?” I ask her three or four times because I KNOW that’s what she asked me. She keeps insisting she never said that. Later in the shift she starts asking me how dresses look on her and eventually goes, “Oh yeah… I forgot.” That interaction honestly triggered me because my ex used to deny conversations we’d had and make me feel like I was losing my mind. The rest of the shift she starts nitpicking every little thing I do at work. It felt like the dynamic completely flipped. Before she’d let little mistakes slide. Now it felt like every little thing I did was wrong. Maybe that’s just her acting like my manager again, but it definitely felt different. Here’s the part that’s really bothering me. I’m realizing I wasn’t even that into this girl. I wasn’t trying to date her. I didn’t think we were compatible. I honestly just wanted something casual after my breakup. And somehow I still walked away feeling like I got played. Not because she owed me sex, she absolutely didn’t. But because I invested a month into someone I wasn’t even that interested in, ignored obvious incompatibilities because I thought we’d eventually hook up, and in the end I got… nothing. No relationship. No hookup. An awkward work environment. Her ex back in the picture. And somehow I still ended up feeling like I was the second option again. The part that’s messing with me the most is realizing this whole situation exposed something about me. I think I was chasing validation through sex after my breakup. If we’d hooked up, I probably would’ve overlooked everything that bothered me about her. That’s honestly hard to admit. So my question is: Did I just ignore obvious signs because I wanted a rebound that badly? Or am I reading way too much into all of this because my last relationship left me hypervigilant? I’d appreciate honest perspectives because right now I’m more disappointed in myself than I am in her. submitted by /u/Brilliant-Maybe7357
Originally posted by u/Brilliant-Maybe7357 on r/AskMen