I’m 41, slightly overweight/dad bod, and I don’t have any major underlying health issues. Long story short: I got divorced in 2019 and went through a rough stretch of severe depression, anxiety, and all the other lovely emotional garbage that comes with your life getting drop-kicked into a dumpster. Since then, I’ve only had sex about four times. Before the divorce, I never really had issues with performance, ED, or PE. Honestly, while I was married and before that, I had a very high libido. Sex 4–5 times a week was pretty normal, sometimes more. After the divorce, though, things changed. I definitely started having issues. It got to the point where I began dreading even trying because the whole thing felt less like intimacy and more like a pass/fail exam administered by my own defective nervous system. Now I’ve met a woman I really like and really do not want to disappoint. That’s the problem. The more I like her, the more pressure I’m putting on myself, and the more sex starts feeling like this giant specter hanging over everything. My fear is basically this: I’ll either have a hell of a time getting it up, or I’ll finally get there and then last approximately 1.35 seconds like a haunted firework. Funny in theory. Less funny when it’s your dick trying to speedrun shame. For context, I take propranolol for a tachycardia issue. I know that can be both a blessing and a curse: it may help calm the anxiety, but it can also potentially work against erections. I talked to my doctor, and they prescribed Viagra. I’ve tried it, and it worked, so logically I know the equipment is not completely out of service. The problem is that I’m still afraid the anxiety will punch through anyway when it actually matters. I’m also on sertraline for depression, which I know is sometimes used off-label for PE, and I take ADHD medication as well. We are taking things slow, which is probably healthy, but I may be taking it too slow because I’m letting the fear build into this giant “event” in my head. I like her. I’m attracted to her. I want things to go well. I just do not want to turn a good connection into some weird pressure cooker because I’m stuck in my own head. The frustrating part is that I honestly believe if I can get through the first time or two, the anxiety will fade and I’ll start getting back to my old self. But getting over that first hurdle feels almost impossible right now. For guys who have dealt with performance anxiety, especially after divorce, depression, or a long dry spell: what actually helped? Did you talk about it beforehand? Keep it vague? Say nothing and just try to relax? Focus on everything except intercourse at first? I’m open to blunt advice, because my brain is currently treating good sex like a unachievable task. submitted by /u/Neandros
Originally posted by u/Neandros on r/AskMen