Original Reddit post

I will first give a bit on context and then explain why I’m asking this question. After my divorce my relationships have been a mess. Is like I have attracted (or unconsciously choose) the kind of people I don’t actually want to have anything to do with. First it was this girl that worked 5 blocks from my place but never had time for me. We saw each other like once a week. I believe she had some kind of avoidant attachment - some days she would be lovely, the other day she would hate you. Somedays she would say things like “if/when we have children…” and the other day she would do anything to not see me. And if I mentioned this I was called a drama queen/toxic/insecure. Of course, I ran to Amazon and bought a book on “emotional attachment” because the issue was clearly me. I was not manly enough. Then I met a girl that after two months and slowly becoming more and more distant just broke with me one day. She said to me: “I don’t see you and me together in the future” A couple of weeks later she said: “I was expecting you to come the next day and bring some flowers to win me back” Of course I believed the issue was me, If I was a real man then I should have known better. Then I started dating a girl I believe was full of traumas, not only caused by their exes but also family issues. Funny thing is that she did to me the same exact things their exes did to her and she saw no fault on that. When I mentioned that standing me up on a date two days in a row sucks she called me a toxic asshole. Again, I thought the problem was me for not communicating the issue in a different way or just sucking it up and not say anything. Of course, all of them had their own traumas/insecurities/etc and that can be understandable. But the thing is that I ended up believing the problem was me. And this has caused a lot of issues because I truly believe the problem is me. I truly believe I’m some kind of asshole that just can keep a relationship going. Last week my psychiatrist (I take medication for ADHD) told me something like this: “In your last relationship she made you pay for everything and did things for other people and when you finally asked for some reciprocity she called you a narcissistic with inferiority complex. That doesn’t make any sense. You need to stop being so hard on yourself” So yes, men of Reddit, how can I stop being so hard on myself, feeling like I’m a “narcissistic with inferiority complex” (whatever that is) for asking for a christmas gift. submitted by /u/zoloft_spike

Originally posted by u/zoloft_spike on r/AskMen