I’m so tired of having to pretend to be nonchalant. I’m so tired of having to pretend to be an action figure. I get that these qualities in men of composure and containment are attractive. But at heart I am an absolute goofball. Im not like one of those men in a movie. But I think that’s what modern dating and the apps are selecting for. I’m not good at it. I fuck up all the time. Slightly too many words in a message, a little too excitable, a bit too invested, too eager. Ghosted. It comes out as needy, and I know I need to stop. I’m just tired of keeping my guard up all the time. When I was younger I used to mimic being that person on a first date. Now,I am just practicing being that guy every day, because what else can one do. Maybe I’m practicing containment and composure for myself in a way, being more composed and contained helps me regulate myself. Gets me ahead professionally. Some nights like these I let it slip a bit. It’s a bit sad how much I think about this stuff now instead of art and music and being open hearted. But I’m getting older, and my clock is ticking on finding a partner, so work on myself I must. I’d like to change, to be more boundaried, steadier, “manlier” but I just want it to come from a good place not “I need to get laid” lol. I have lots of trauma caused by not being this kind of person in the past which is where this all comes from. Women can do pretty cruel things to a man that comes across “girly” How do you guys manage this? It seems like something others are born with. I always used to look down on “boring” reliable men. I’ve changed quite a bit with time submitted by /u/Practical_Cress_4914
Originally posted by u/Practical_Cress_4914 on r/AskMen
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