TLDR; I think my friend’s long time girlfriend is a bad person that is taking advantage of his understanding nature. What is the best way to approach this? I want my friend to be happy. They’ve been together a long time so it seems weird for me to say they shouldn’t be together but I am starting to feel that way. I don’t want to overstep and potentially cause a strain on my friendship with him by forcing my advice on him.
Background: I’m a male, mid twenties, single (been in relationships before so I know how it is). My friend is a similar age as me, same gender (male). His partner is a female (similar age). I’ve been friends with my friend for over 10 years. My friend and his partner have been in a relationship for 4 years now. This is the most serious relationship he’s been in. From what I see and confidently believe, he treats her well. Very understanding and accommodating. Not abusive in any form. Puts in effort and prioritizes her. Always makes her feel included when he’s with his friends. I don’t see the same being reciprocated by her though. She makes demeaning jokes about him in front of her friends and that disrespect is even displayed by her friends once they get comfortable (behaviour that she has allowed and encouraged). There have been times where I step in and say things to boost his confidence in those situations or snap back at her friends in a humorous/sarcastic way (always light hearted as I don’t want a serious confrontation or fight to arise). Beyond that, I get the impression that he’s just a “nice guy backup option” to her. It appears that he is always the one putting in more effort to make things work, or compromising on his beliefs and opinions for her. I don’t know if she has cheated (she has not been accused or caught). I would not put it past her (but that’s only my opinion, not a fact). When they first started dating, I remember thinking they were perfect for each other. They did go through a few rough phases where they briefly broke up but they get along very well otherwise (personality, interests, etc). Around company though, he just becomes the butt of jokes and disrespect. He’s a very understanding person. When I bring it up with him alone, he just tells me it’s just jokes and it’s not to be taken seriously. When I do comment on her overall behaviour to him, he does not always disagree with what I am saying but a majority of the time, he just says he gets where I’m coming from and then makes it seem like it isn’t a big deal and that he has it in check. It sounds silly but he hasn’t gone through that 1 major breakup that “changes you” in his life so I am of the opinion he is viewing things through a rose coloured lens. As a friend, I want what’s best for him and I want him to be happy with his girlfriend. But I cannot stand the way he’s treated in front of company and firmly believe it’s wrong. Maybe it’s bc it’s not what I’m used to or not what I encourage in my relationships anymore (having gone through a similar dynamic in a past relationship). I am also growing increasingly annoyed at the things she says (I logically disagree with a lot of the stuff she says - but that’s just my opinion). All of this has in turn made me despise his girlfriend as a person (anything she does or says that I don’t like automatically results in me internally hating on her). I try not to criticize her or tell her off because I don’t want to put my friend in a situation to pick between his girlfriend or his friend in the event of an argument. What is the best way to approach this? I want my friend to be happy. They’ve been together a long time so it seems weird for me to say they shouldn’t be together but I am starting to feel that way. I don’t want to overstep and potentially cause a strain on my friendship with him by forcing my advice on him. submitted by /u/TactickleToucan
Originally posted by u/TactickleToucan on r/AskMen