After leaving a long, unhealthy relationship, I realised I’d started believing I’d permanently changed. I’d become less affectionate, more guarded, more irritable, and emotionally shut down. I thought that was just who I was now. Looking back, I can see it wasn’t. Living with constant conflict, mistrust, and emotional heaviness put me into survival mode. Over time, I even found myself responding in ways that didn’t reflect the person I wanted to be, and that’s been one of the hardest things to accept. The false accusations of terrorism etc during family court (which the judge laughed in her face) and the denigration of me to my kids whenever they leave me after contact just confirms it. The difference today is that I don’t react at all to her toxicity. Now I’m seeing someone new, who is calm, kind, emotionally healthy, and genuinely supportive. The biggest surprise is that parts of me I thought I’d lost have come back. I’m more patient, affectionate, relaxed, and happier. It made me realise that my previous relationship hadn’t revealed my true character. It had changed how I functioned. So my question is: how do you fully let go of the survival mindset an unhealthy relationship creates? How do you stop the guardedness and resentment from affecting a healthy relationship? And how do you make peace with the person you became while you were trying to survive? I’m not saying I was perfect. I made mistakes too. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this and genuinely come out the other side. submitted by /u/crossreference16
Originally posted by u/crossreference16 on r/AskMen