TL;DR: I’m 23 and have realised I may be the common factor in why many of my friendships have ended. I struggle with anger, bluntness, defensiveness, social cues and seeing other people’s perspectives. I’d like to hear from people who recognised similar patterns in themselves and managed to make lasting changes.
I’m 23, and I’ve been reflecting a lot on why I’ve struggled to maintain long-term friendships throughout my life. Since childhood, I’ve often argued with people, fallen out with them or pushed them away. For a long time, I blamed the other person. I thought they were too sensitive, did not understand me or were treating me unfairly. However, when the same thing happens with completely different people, it becomes difficult to ignore that you may be the common factor. There are several things I now recognise in myself. I struggle to read social cues and do not always realise how I’m coming across. I can be blunt, stubborn and quick to become irritated or angry. I also find it difficult to see things from another person’s perspective, especially when I strongly believe I’m right. Afterwards, I can often recognise that my reaction probably pushed the other person away. I also do not reach out to friends very often. I’m genuinely comfortable being alone and seem to need less contact than other people. At work, I would sometimes choose to sit alone in another room rather than with everyone else. I was not trying to be rude, but I now understand that people may have interpreted it as coldness, arrogance or disinterest. Even members of my family have told me that I can be unpleasant to be around. In the past, I would have immediately become defensive or felt misunderstood. I’m only recently becoming able to listen to that feedback and consider that they may have had a point. I do not want to completely change who I am. I like being independent, enjoy my own company and do not feel the need to become an extrovert. However, I would like to change the behaviours that hurt people, push them away and make relationships more difficult. I’m moving to London soon, which feels like an opportunity for a fresh start. At the same time, I know that changing location will not change anything if I continue repeating the same patterns. I’m interested in hearing from people who have had a similar realisation about themselves. What behaviours or patterns did you recognise? What helped you change them? Did the changes eventually start to feel natural, or do you still have to consciously manage them? How did your friendships and relationships change over time? submitted by /u/Equivalent-Ad-2373
Originally posted by u/Equivalent-Ad-2373 on r/AskMen