My husband has been chronically depressed for ten years, he will not receive treatment, states it will not work. We’ve been married that entire time. Day to day, if I feel like he isn’t having fun, if he seems closed off, or if he is doing his normal stuff like video games all day and not having some new fun experience, I automatically take responsibility. I know I can’t be someone’s everything. He has a hard time connecting with people and hasn’t had actual in person friends in years. He didn’t pursue a career and didn’t take college seriously and this weighs on him. We haven’t had children that he wants desperately because for a long time I felt like I shouldered so much of the adult responsibilities that I felt like I’d be managing everything even with children and it feels like too much to me to handle. I’ve communicated this repeatedly. On the day to day, I will try to plan something or give so many suggestions, he never seems to take the reins and plan a day for us together. He has said things like “we have a pleasant time but it’s never “fun.” Which is very painful to hear. I find myself completely ignoring my own emotions and needs to try to make him happy. I don’t know what to do. I’ve talked to him about his depression and have let him know I’m always here to talk. Expressed that I want him to have fun. We’ve chronically been tight on money which makes doing things difficult whenever everything costs money. I’ve gotten it into my head just doing small things together he doesn’t find fulfillment in or joy. I’m anxious, always feel like I’m monitoring his moods, like if I don’t find something for him to enjoy I’ve failed for the day. I don’t push him to come with me to do things I’ve suggested because if he isn’t very enthusiastic it makes me feel like it’s forced. So we will stay home and do the usual binge watch tv or he is on his computer, etc. I’m at a loss. He wants children, and we just went through a serious rough patch and he struggles with accountability. He does have adhd as well as chronic depression. I can’t help but feel like he feels trapped in this life with me. I went through school, got a career, got us a house and took us out of an apartment, got him a truck. I manage things, cook, clean, help him in a bunch of ways to care for him, I’m good with his family, show interest in his interests and frequently talk about it with him. Ask to join him in things he likes, etc. I feel like maybe me growing up with a father whose emotional state weighed on me despite my needs has affected how I am in my marriage. TL:dr; have you had a depressed spouse, and what did you do? How do you manage this? submitted by /u/Additional_Bit6278
Originally posted by u/Additional_Bit6278 on r/AskMen