After years of unemployment, despite having both a law degree and a postgraduate degree, I finally landed a job as an associate attorney. I’ve been there for a year now. I genuinely enjoy practicing law, but I hate the firm. I don’t see any future there, no real opportunities to grow, and very little that will make me a better lawyer. My boss is dishonest and abusive. The only reason I stay is because I’m terrified of ending up unemployed again, and I feel like I need more experience before I can apply somewhere better. On top of that, I graduated from a low-ranked law school and live in a small town, so I constantly feel like I’m already behind people from bigger cities. Financially and professionally, I don’t even know how I’d manage to move somewhere with better opportunities. Financially, my life is depressing. I think a lot of men will understand when I say that this destroys your self-esteem. You start feeling like you don’t even deserve a relationship because you can’t provide the bare minimum. I don’t have a girlfriend, I don’t date, and I don’t even have casual flings. My entire life revolves around working, studying, and desperately trying to figure out a way out of this hole. The worst part is that while I’m trying to build a better future, I feel like I’m sacrificing the present. I don’t even allow myself to enjoy life because I constantly feel guilty. Every minute that I’m not doing something to improve my career or financial situation feels wasted. But at the same time, life keeps passing by, and I’m not actually living it or creating any memories. And the truth is, if you’re not at least somewhat successful, people stop seeing you as someone worth respecting. Even your own family starts looking at you with pity. Seeing that look in my parents’ eyes hurts more than anything. I barely have a social life anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I even know how to have a normal conversation, especially with women. I still go to the gym, but I’ve completely neglected my diet and sleep. I look exhausted more than healthy. What hurt the most was hearing, from different women at different times, that I come across as a “little boy”: insecure, lacking presence, and even feminine. I probably have terrible social skills too. That completely destroyed my confidence. Ever since then, I’ve been obsessing over what’s wrong with me, but I don’t even know where to start fixing it. Even intellectually, I feel empty. I’ve become so consumed by work and studying for public service exams that I have no hobbies, no interesting stories, no experiences, and no real personality outside of that. I feel like an NPC in my own life. Every day is the same as the one before. I’m 27 years old, and it feels like I’m walking in circles, watching life move forward while I keep waiting for someone to show up. That someone is supposed to be me. submitted by /u/Ordinary-Insurance10
Originally posted by u/Ordinary-Insurance10 on r/AskMen
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