My girlfriend (21F) and I (21M) have been together for almost 3 years, known each other for 5. We started as close friends, and the relationship grew gradually from there — so gradually that looking back, I’m not sure there was ever a clear romantic spark on either side. (maybe there was and I’m simply obfuscated at the moment.) More like a logical next step after years of closeness. Context that might matter: I’m 21 and going through a turbulent period personally — figuring out my career path, trying to understand who I am outside of other people’s expectations. A few months ago I traveled alone for the first time, and something shifted. I came back with more clarity about what I want from life, the kind of person I want to become, and what actually matters to me. I’m actually about to leave alone again. I’m not sure if this process of self-discovery is changing how I see my relationship, or if it’s just finally letting me see what was always there. The communication between us is genuinely exceptional. She knows everything about me, we talk about anything freely. That part has always worked. What hasn’t worked is the physical side. It was never great, and in the last months it’s completely disappeared. No sex, no real desire on either side. She told me months ago she had doubts about her feelings. I didn’t fight for the relationship — instead of being honest about my own doubts, I deflected and made it about feeling like I wasn’t enough for her. I’ve had to be honest with myself about why. I think I wanted it to end too. The truth is that as of today, maybe after what she told me, I feel almost nothing romantically when I’m with her. We both avoid situations where we’d have to feel what’s actually there — or isn’t — because I think we’re both scared of finding emptiness. But the idea of losing her terrifies me. How do you distinguish between loving someone and being afraid to lose what you’ve built? Has anyone stayed in a relationship past its expiration date because the friendship was too valuable to risk? Are there solutions to “expiration dates?” Has anyone lived this? submitted by /u/Tuborgnothebeer
Originally posted by u/Tuborgnothebeer on r/AskMen