I went through other similar titled posts on the subreddit but I just couldn’t relate with any of them. I am turning 22 years in 10 days and I think I still haven’t become a man. I grew up in a house where my father was emotionally absent. His dad died when he was too young and grew up alone, not having a father figure at all and which is now carried forward to me. I don’t have a father figure, no elder brother or a guiding hand. Since I am the only child of my parents and spent most of my childhood in a daycare, I have always found it exhausting to make new friends or have a social life in general. My strict family rules also don’t allow me to be a social butterfly. I am not shy with people, its just that I see it as a waste of time to be with people and have a strong belief that friends are only those with whom I can truly be myself. Unlike other people at my college and workplace, who sit together, chat, eat, drink, and do random stuff after college/work hours, I just find myself alone every single time. I find it very difficult to build connections without having a gut feeling that I am wearing a mask and all of this is just fake; that no one would show up when I will be having a real problem. Now this ranting is coming from something I have been coping with lately. My girlfriend is someone who falls in the typical social butterfly category. She has been in long term relationships before me, perhaps with better guys who have 1k+ followers on their instagram, are street smart, corporate guys who play pickleball and act sophisticated, and have that aesthetic dressing sense involving pastel color clothing. She never made me feel inferior intentionally but I often tend to become insecure seeing her having far many friends than me, who call her to hangout frequently while I am doing nothing significant throughout the week, just basic routine. She feels too sorted than me, she doesn’t overthinks or over-analyzes anything and is just generally chill around everything. I on the other hand, tend to get offended from the slightest of jokes. She explicitly expresses that I behave like a child and that I should become a man; that I should not be insecure when one of her guy friends side hugs her. I am afraid I am not able to truly express what I am trying to imply but I just want to fit in. I also want my phone to ring when I am with my girlfriend. I also want to tell her that I am going at a party the coming Friday. Jeez, I also want to be normal. I have tried fitting in a numerous times, but I have always found myself alone every single time- at my room, the wilderness, lecture halls, gym, office, restaurants, just everywhere. submitted by /u/outlawent21
Originally posted by u/outlawent21 on r/AskMen