I’m a woman, almost 50, and after two long-term relationships involving significant deception and betrayal, I’ve realized that my views of sex, intimacy, and commitment have changed pretty dramatically because of those experiences. Both of my previous partners presented themselves as men who valued monogamy, loyalty, intimacy, and commitment, while hiding very different sexual behaviours and attitudes for years. So I know my perspective has been deeply shaped by what I’ve experienced, and I’m not trying to make a statement about men as a group. What I’m struggling with now is how much my worldview around sex and relationships has changed. Part of me wonders whether I was simply naive before, whether I believed in a version of monogamy and intimacy that isn’t actually very common. Or whether what I experienced has made me overly cynical. I’m genuinely interested in hearing from men who personally value monogamy in a very intentional way, and what that looks like in your own lived experience. How do you personally think about pornography within a committed monogamous relationship? Do you consider watching porn compatible with monogamy, or do you feel it affects the sexual connection or commitment between partners? If you don’t watch it, is that because of your own values around intimacy and exclusivity, or for some other reason? Do you interact differently with women when your partner isn’t around? For example, are you more flirtatious, more suggestive, or more open to attention in ways you wouldn’t be if she were beside you? Or does your sense of commitment stay the same regardless of whether your partner is present? Do you personally try not to habitually sexualize women around you? Do you experience sexual fidelity and intimacy as something deeply meaningful and specific to your partner, rather than as something you feel constrained by? I’m not talking about never noticing that someone else is attractive or expecting anyone to be perfect. I mean genuinely wanting to direct your romantic and sexual energy toward one person because that is how you actually want to live. I’ve always been fascinated by sociology, relationships, intimacy, and the different ways people make meaning around sexual intimacy in a relationship, so I’m honestly interested in hearing how individual men experience and define these things for themselves. At almost 50, I also admit I’m wondering how common these values are among single men in my age group. And just to be clear, I’m not looking for a partner on Reddit. These are very intimate questions to ask men I know personally or professionally, and anonymity makes it easier to ask people directly. If this describes you, I’d love to hear: What do monogamy, sexual fidelity, and intimacy mean to you personally? Has that always been your view, or has it changed as you’ve gotten older? submitted by /u/Worldly-Wrongdoer308
Originally posted by u/Worldly-Wrongdoer308 on r/AskMen