This came up in discussions in a menaskwomen post, so I wanted to ask for wider male input on a issue I’ve very recently had to deal with myself. I dated someone with self-described “anger issues”, who regularly lashed out over stuff that tbh wouldn’t even register on my radar. Issues I raised were likewise met with defensiveness or adversarial reactivity that quickly escalated into meltdowns or stonewalling. Now I take a negotiator approach to conflict (for any fans of the Gottman’s book, Fight Right) and this was my first time dealing with those behaviors in a partner. So I laid out boundaries: that I was happy to receive feelings like anger, upset, disappointment, frustration, etc as long as he communicated in a calm and respectful way, with an “us vs. the problem” mindset. He agreed, until the next time he began yelling at me over a perceived slight. When I reminded him of our rules of engagement and asked him to calm down, he pivoted to criticizing me for “not allowing him to express his emotions in the relationship”. This led to a diatribe about how women say they want men to be emotionally available but when they express feelings women don’t like, suddenly they get punished for being open and authentic. So I ask you, dear men, what do you see as healthy and acceptable ways to express strong negative feelings to your partner? When/is it ever appropriate or justifiable to get angry or hostile AT them? What do you see as reasonable boundaries and/or where do you draw the line in your own behavior when expressing strong feelings? submitted by /u/MoreThanVoidFiller
Originally posted by u/MoreThanVoidFiller on r/AskMen