TL:DR I got close to a co-worker who has a boyfriend, developed feelings, and ended up getting friend-zoned. I realized I became emotionally attached and anxious waiting on her responses. I struggle with self-esteem from being bullied growing up and notice I tend to get overly attached in relationships. I’m in therapy and want advice on how to build a healthy relationship without becoming anxious or dependent. Recently, a co-worker and I have grown really close over the past couple of months. It started while I was on vacation, she reached out and we began texting. That led to us texting a lot outside of work and FaceTiming pretty often. When I got back, I told her about my trip and suggested we check out a local neighborhood that’s known for date nights. I wasn’t pushy about it at all, if anything, she seemed more eager to go out after work. We ended up going, and honestly, it felt romantic. We walked around, did some shopping, and had dinner at a really nice restaurant. The complication? She has a boyfriend she’s been with for a few years. She would vent to me about how their relationship had gone stale and how she didn’t like that he seemed complacent and lacked ambition. She’d often say that ambition is the most attractive trait in a guy, and she complimented me several times on being ambitious. As we kept talking, I started getting attached. I found myself waiting on her texts and feeling anxious if she didn’t respond. It became unhealthy for me. It started as a friendship, but I was in this gray area of thinking, “She has a boyfriend—there’s no way this turns into something serious.” We continued spending time together outside of work, even going to the mall after work. But I became very aware of how emotionally attached I was and how much it was affecting me. Part of me thought, “You should stop—you’re going to get hurt.” Another part thought, “You need someone in your life—this could be it.” I went from being neutral and chill to extremely anxious and deeply attached. Eventually, I needed clarity. So last week, I confessed my feelings. I got friend-zoned. It hurt, but it also gave me closure. I haven’t had the best luck with women. I’ve struggled with self-esteem, insecurity, and self-doubt. I was bullied a lot growing up, and I’m starting to realize at 22 how much that’s affected me. I guess this is partly a vent, but I also genuinely want advice. How do I build a healthy relationship where I don’t become overly attached? That seems to be a pattern for me. I’m currently in therapy, not just to vent, but to actually understand and heal. I know I’m capable of being in a relationship, but since I haven’t had much success, I’d really appreciate advice on how to move forward. submitted by /u/Long-Understanding36
Originally posted by u/Long-Understanding36 on r/AskGirls