This has got to be one of the most common themes in cautionary tales, especially tragedies.

I guess they could spend enough time with the love interest to know and become everything they like, essentially losing themself to manipulate the love interest. This results in two people who don’t really like each other but are also completely obsessed with each other.

They should probably just spend time with people who have mutual interest and feel things out from there. I realize that’s a non-answer to the question, though.